On the Upside of Acting Things....

I'm not gonna lie. Things in the acting world have been slow for me lately. Extremely slow. Unbearably slow. And it baffles me that of the many, many, many, submissions I have sent out over the past couple months, I haven't been asked to any auditions.

But even still, things are looking up. This past week proved to be fairly productive and I'm feeling my passion for acting being revved up. It really is amazing how seemingly small projects can get you excited about what you do.

First of all, the decision to go part time at my survival job so far has been a great one. I feel so much less stressed and I feel more like an actor now-not just a retail associate. And when I am at work, I actually enjoy it once again. Like, I love doing makeup and getting sales, and getting my Starbucks before starting my shift. I haven't felt that way about my day job in a long time. I actually feel healthier too because I don't have as much stress now. Yes, I will have to cut back on things financially but as long as I can pay my bills, feed my cat, and eat, I'm good. I feel it's best to live simply anyways. (I will be sure to treat myself to something fashionable once in a while of course.) But people can work so hard to make money and then one day have to spend it anyways on stress related health problems. I guess it comes down to what is best for you and your family and I do understand that not everyone is able to make the choice to work less hours.

Okay, back to this past week. I had a successful meeting with a very talented film director about possibly working in his upcoming feature. He is gathering a pool of talent and to start with he will direct and film me performing a couple of monologues which he has chosen. The videos are professionally done and afterwards are edited and placed online on his website. You guys don't even know how much this excites me. Now I have two awesome new monologues to work on the next couple of weeks, I have made a valuable new connection which will potentially lead to bigger things with this director, and this will also give me some added exposure. Sounds like a blessing to me.

I also feel very happy that I connected with the Community College Comedians about possibly doing an upcoming sketch with them. Everyone should definitely check them out. They are awesome!! Their comedy sketches are genuinely funny, original, professional, and refreshingly wholesome. It's hard to find all of those things nowadays. I totally respect and love what they do and am always happy to work with them.

And FINALLY I started editing my latest reel. That will be up soon. While going through footage, I realized I actually have a lot of good stuff to choose from. I realized too that instead of complaining about how slow things are for me right now, I should thank my Lord above for every single one of those opportunities. Sometimes, I get so focused on booking the next role, that I forget to be grateful for the ones I've already done.

Oooohh and one more thing....the episode I did of "I Killed My BFF" will air Monday April 1 on A&E Biography. That definitely encourages me to press forward and reminds me of how far I've come. And the preview looks so cool!!:)

So everything does seem to be looking up. All I, or you, can do is hang in there. Things always turn around if you are consistent and have faith. And you never know where an opportunity can come from so always keep your eyes and ears open. Also keep in mind that even though something may seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things, you never know where it could lead, or how it could strengthen you. So don't be too quick to overlook any offer even if you feel like you are too far ahead in your career to consider it. When things are slow, I don't think you can afford to anyways. But that's just me. :)

One of My Scenes from Joe Ciminera's Acedia

One of my favorite roles I got to play last year was in Joe Ciminera's Acedia. In this film I play the mother of a possessed girl who is about to undergo an exorcism. My character speaks French and I had sooooo much fun learning the language for this part. I was so excited for the opportunity and spent the weeks prior to filming obsessing over learning French, not just my lines but as much of the language as I could. Alas, my intentions to continue learning to speak French after filming have died down as it is very hard for me to focus on something like that unless I need to use it in the near future. But I'm awfully glad that I now know the correct way to say some things and I know I will be able to learn it pretty well the next time I need to. (Like if I hopefully one day get to go to Paris!) Also, I should be able to make a pretty cool reel clip from the scene. Here is the link to the scene below. Merci de votre fidelite!!

https://vimeo.com/62965440

My Motivation Seems to be M.I.A. (Yikes!!)

What do you do when you seem to have lost all motivation to do anything? That is how I have been feeling recently. In my last post, I mentioned that I haven't had an audition in a while. I said that I would do things like edit my reel, blog more, yada yada yada. Well, I haven't done anything. I just don't feel like. Yes, I have been submitting to castings and all that everyday, but with no response. And also, when I do submit, I barely have the energy to write a nice note. Normally, I enjoy the entire process. Ugh!!! What is wrong with me?!!! I'm not saying I've lost my passion for acting and for pursuing acting--it's the only thing I want to do as my career-- but for the past couple of weeks I just haven't felt like doing anything to push it. I don't even feel like tweeting, or talking to people, or updating my Facebook. All I want to do is sleep. Or relax. I've only been responding to things when I absolutely have to.

I was off today and woke up planning to work on a new monologue, record it, then post it in a blog I'm working on about monologues. I didn't end up doing any of that. I didn't make all the connections I wanted to try to make on social media today either. Well, I did make a couple of pretty good ones, so that's a plus at least.

I hate that I am feeling this way right now, because this week I finally started working only part time at my day job. Now is the time that I am supposed to be working harder than ever towards my goal of being a successful actress. So I ask again, what is wrong with me?!!!

Am I putting too much pressure on myself? Or is it that I just have to adjust to my new daily routine? Did I get complacent because it seemed like for a bit I was booking every two weeks? Or maybe I need a break--a real break, more than a few days--from all the acting stuff to get reenergized? I don't know. I don't actually want to take a break. I just want a project, even just a small one, to get the passion juices flowing again. Is it normal to feel this way sometimes when it comes to pursuing your dreams?

I'm not giving up, but at the moment I feel tired. I guess I have to remind myself that I have gone through this before. It's been awhile though so maybe I've forgotten how it felt and that everything turned out okay. It always does get back to normal somehow. So I am going to publish this post, go to sleep, and have faith that I will have something positive to report soon.

God Bless!!:)

A Whole Month Without an Audition?!! Really?!

I realized last night that my last audition was about a month ago; 30 days to be exact. Luckily, I did get that part, but we are done filming. I am submitting like crazy as usual but no one is biting, which leaves me a lot of extra time to work on this blog. I have to do something to fulfill my creative side after all. This always seems to happen after I get new headshots. I get so excited that my new pics are way better than before and that means I will get more responses. It should work that way but let me tell you it doesn't always. The only thing I can do is stay confident that something will happen soon. In the mean time I have new footage I can add to my reel, I can find a showcase for a casting director I'd like to audition for, and I can practice monologues. It also gives me extra energy to focus on things that I sometimes forget I like; doing makeup for example. So until I get that next call or email I am going to choose to stay happy and focused. I will find other outlets for my creativity. I just hope I can stay this positive each day until I get one of those glorious responses. And I also hope that it is normal to sometimes go this long without getting called in for anything.

On Being Apart from My Family to Pursue Acting

One of the hardest things about pursuing your dream is that it often takes you far away from your family. I think this is the hardest sacrifice to make as an actor. Way harder than the financial burden on struggling artists. Now, I am very blessed that I have an amazing husband who supports me and loves me and he is my favorite person in the entire world to be with, but I miss my mom and dad and sister and brother and niece everyday. I get to see them on average twice a year. I always wish that they live a little closer to me (because obviously, I am not going back to VA). They are about an eight hour drive or train ride away from here. Which doesn't sound like much, but it is when you work AND have to be in town most of the time so that you don't miss an audition opportunity. A flight is only a couple hours, but usually costs around 400-600.00$ which I don't understand because it is much much cheaper for my husband to fly all the way to Florida to see his family. I cannot afford to pay that. I just can't. For those of you who move to a completely other country apart from your families, I admire you so much.

Of course, talking on the phone just doesn't cut it. I consider myself very close to my family, but I am just not a phone person. I don't know why. I always have trouble listening to the other person. Especially when I feel worn out from working all day. So, although I think I should call my mom every single day, it just doesn't happen. Because of that, I live for the week or two weeks a year I get to visit my family.

The problem is that as I am getting older, it gets harder and harder to say goodbye when my visit is over. The first time I moved out at the age of 20, I thought that saying goodbye would get easier with each trip. I couldn't have been more wrong. Each week I spend with them flies by so fast. My parents are getting older. My niece is pretty much growing up without me. I hate that. It breaks my heart. Sometimes, I even feel that I don't want to visit them because I know that the goodbye will be harder than it was the last time. I even regret starting this post because now I am starting to cry a little (I will be visiting them soon).

But as hard as it is to be away from family, I am right where I am meant to be and I am deeply fulfilled; deeply joyful (forgive me if that sounds too corny). As much as we love our families, sometimes our lives are meant to be lived apart from them. For those who are meant to live near your families, consider yourselves very blessed and lucky. Yes, I made the choice to leave Virginia and my family. Yes it is very hard, but I know if I stayed there in the long run I would be depressed, bored, and restless. I am so grateful that my entire family is supportive of my career and understands that I am where I am for a reason.

The only thing I can do is pray for a day when I can afford to visit them more often, and be thankful for and take in every moment I do get to spend with them. I love them so much.

An Aspiring Actress in Action: Links to My Work Edition One

In an effort for those who stumble upon this blog to get to know me better (also in an effort to cheer myself up since my only upcoming audition got canceled), I am gonna start posting links to my work every once in a while. If you do know me, you have probably seen these already, but feel free to watch again;) Please take a look and enjoy! Feel free to leave feedback and share links to your work as well.

I have two features that you can see me in currently. They are both psychological indie horror films by director Joe Ciminera:

The first is Acedia; Click here to go to the website and watch the film in full.

The second is Purification; which is currently streaming on Netflix. Click here to check out the website.

Here are the links to a couple of short films and a web-series you can catch me in:
"Diane"
"Silence"
Joe Ciminera Presents Ep 2 "Found Guilty"

The Acting Training Question

I touched on training and classes in  my previous blog and mentioned that I myself have had no formal acting training; meaning I have taken classes but have not studied in a conservatory or university program. I don't believe that I am in any position to give advice on this subject one way or the other, except to say that I don't believe it is needed for on-camera work. Today I came across a couple of articles that spoke to this topic and I wanted to share them. :)

From The Theatre Doc (his blog is great to follow if you haven't already): http://theatredoconacting.blogspot.com/2013/02/is-college-educatin-worth-money-for.html

From Backstage: http://www.backstage.com/advice-for-actors/backstage-experts/why-you-should-never-stop-playing-make-believe/