Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Appreciating Our Day Jobs While Pursuing Acting

Oh where to begin.... I felt inspired to write a post about things I actually enjoy about my day job the other morning when taking pics of my lipstick choice of the day to post to Instagram. Posting these pics reminds of how much I love makeup. Makeup I would probably not have (errr..couldn't afford) if I didn't work at a cosmetics counter. Taking pics of all my different color choices also reminds of how much fun makeup is and that I am lucky I get to spend 20 hours a week playing with it while getting paid.

Often when I write about my job, I am writing because I'm frustrated that I still have to work a survival job when all I want to do is act. And although I am so thankful to God for my job, I definitely have days in which it is extremely hard to feel that way. So I thought I would do a post pointing out the good things and the benefits I've earned. Maybe it will inspire you to do the same.

To start, there is nothing as fulfilling and fun to me as acting. That is the only thing I will pursue as a career and I will always refer to my survival job as a survival job, or day job, because it will never be something I plan on falling back on. I don't have anything to fall back on. Acting is it for me. So many days, it is a pain to get up and get ready work. Especially if the day before I was on set all day. I have days when I feel very down being at work; wondering when I am going to be able to leave because I am finally pulling in some decent money acting. Some days, it takes a lot to push through, even if I'm only there for a few hours.

But, not all days are bad. And there are definite bright spots. Some days are actually fun. And the other day, as the store opened, I remembered there was actually a time where getting a job at a cosmetics counter in a department store was a dream of mine. Not a grand dream like acting as always been, but I always dreamed that being a cosmetics girl would be my job while I pursue acting. I forgot all about that dream. It was nice to reflect upon it this morning and realize that it has come true. You see, I have always worked in retail, mostly at department stores. Since I was in high school actually. I would always look at the cosmetics girls as if they were the cheerleaders of those stores. You know, the coolest and most popular ones there, which during my school years I was far from. Also, I had started playing with makeup as a kid, as well as studied art all through school. I was quite good actually at painting and drawing (sometimes I feel the urge to pick it up again), so working in cosmetics seemed liked a natural fit for me. I worked in retail for about 7-8 years before I got a job in cosmetics. (The first brand I ever worked was Clinique, if anyone is curious).  Wow I feel old thinking about how long ago that was!! I won't even mention how long I've been doing makeup now but it's been awhile.

The point is sometimes I forget the reasons that brought me to work at my particular survival job in the first place. There are also many reasons I choose to stay.

Here is the list of the things I truly appreciate about my job:

1) I get to play with makeup while being paid for it and it's for a brand that I absolutely love YSL. In fact, there is only one other line I love as much and that's NARS.

2) Working where I do enables me to easily keep up with trends. To me, being an actress goes hand-in-hand with fashion.

3) I get to make people feel beautiful.

4) Pretty flexible scheduling. Usually there is someone able to switch shifts with me if need be. Also, I am sure to do scheduling favors for my manager when I can so she will be more understanding if I have something come up. That's a great tip actually. Always have a good attitude and do your best to do what the job requires and those in authority will be more apt to give you what you want.

5) Being in NYC, I work with the most diverse clientele possible. Meaning, I never know who I may meet. Perhaps a movie producer, a casting director, an agent? That I know of it hasn't happened yet, but that hope and possibility (daydream) is always with me.

6) Free makeup, free skincare, and discounts in other departments. One of my best purchases ever was a leather (err...pleather) dress that I bought for $4.00 using special employee coupons that can be used like cash within that particular store.

7) I've been there so long that I know how things work. I know when I can and can't afford to call out or be late. I know how to do my job well, or at least, on some days, well enough to get by without getting in trouble.

8) I rationalize that since acting is the only thing I want to do, I wouldn't be any happier working any other survival job than the one I work now.

AND

9) This is the NUMBER ONE reason that I appreciate my survival job right now and do not plan on going anywhere else whilst I pursue acting (this also is because of how long I've been here): I have many many paid vacation days and personal days. For someone pursuing acting, that is priceless.
Loyalty to a company does pay off. Believe me, if I wanted to pursue a career in makeup, I would not stay at this location. I would want to be at a cute little boutique in Soho. But I want to be an actress. Therefore I stay and take advantage of these free days I get. I always have to think of the big picture.

I know more than anyone how depressing it can be to do any other work besides what you truly love and want to be known for and be successful at. I am not telling you to stay at a job where you are miserable; not at all. You must always follow your heart. I am just telling you to weigh your options as it pertains to being able to fully pursue acting. I heard someone at my job recently say "this job is a means to get what you want." It's so true and to hear it put in those exact words really lifted me up that day and made me want to keep pushing. There must some things you like about your survival job; whatever job that may be. Like some of things in my list, it may not be about the job itself, or your position, or it's location. It may be more about what the job provides you in regards to pursuing your acting: flexibility, benefits, sick days, and, uh, hello, money for all those actor things. And if you are so completely miserable every single day, and can't find any moments of joy here and there, AND it's so bad that you can't stay focused on your dreams, then maybe look for something else. If you feel you have no other day job options at the moment, then turn that despair into determination to become a more successful actor. I have to do that at times and it absolutely makes me work doubly hard towards getting that next acting job.

BTW, this isn't a recommendation to work in retail. A lot of the advantages I have at this job are only because I have stuck with it for so long. Just starting out things wouldn't be that flexible. What this post IS is a recommendation to keep in mind the good things--however menial and hard to see they may be--that you get out of your survival job and to work them to your advantage in every way possible when it comes to pursuing your acting career.

                  Me in Work Mode

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Reasons Why I Haven't Joined SAG Yet Even Though I'm Eligble


There are many reasons why I haven't taken the step to join SAG-AFTRA yet, even though I have been eligible for about 10 months now. Oh, I'd say about 3,000 plus 1 reasons to be exact. You actors know exactly what I mean by that.

Firstly, I'm still booking a lot of great non-union jobs. Some are paid, some aren't. I have a few in the works for the next few months and I would like to focus and keep my commitment to those. If during that time, I happen to book an amazing union job and have to join, then I will. Since all of my upcoming films are with people whom I have worked with before, I'm hoping they would be willing to get SAG waivers in order for me to still be in their projects; not expecting, just hoping. Of course, that is a huge if and I will cross that bridge when I get to it. 


I'm sure you understand the main reason why I haven't joined yet is because of the money. I mean, who has $3,000 lying around? If I did not have the sizable balance that I currently have on my credit card, I would put the joining fee on there. Unfortunately, that is not an option right now. (Unless of course I end up booking something and having to join right away. Then I would do it no questions asked.)

Alas, I guess it is not yet time for me make that milestone happen in my acting career. I want it so bad I can taste it though. I'm working on devising a savings plan for the money. Wish me luck. Well, good thing I am pretty happy where I am anyways!!! 



Friday, September 6, 2013

Exhausted but Happy; Prep and Shooting for Venial

I am just feeling so incredibly blessed after my shoot yesterday for director Joe Ciminera's newest film, Venial. We shot the trailer as well as some of the film itself. I am also feeling incredibly exhausted, as the night before the shoot I worked a full (7.5hr) shift at my survival job--a closing shift no less--and had to be up at 6am to travel to Long Island for the shoot. I was so excited and anxious that I got about 5 min of sleep. The fact that I had foam curlers in my hair didn't help. After filming, I got home and to bed pretty late and had to be at work early today. But of course it was worth it. What an amazing shoot it was. This is one of those actor moments in which I feel on top of the world and so grateful. 

I found out only a week and a day before the first shooting day that I would actually be taking on the leading role in this film. I couldn't have been more thrilled. And so the preparation began. And one of things I mean by that is I had to learn how to do a British accent. (Or more accurate, an English accent, but here I will continue to use the term "British" as that is the typical word used to describe an English accent.) I've always kinda of played around with the accent (quite a lot actually) but I've never had to use it for a role, although I have been waiting for an opportunity. American actors are often criticized for their British accents not sounding authentic and I wanted to do whatever possible to prevent that from happening. The dialogue in Joe Ciminera's film are improvised (with a few exceptions), so with no lines in particular to practice, I especially had to learn how to speak the accent accurately. In short, the steps I took to learn were: first, reading general how-to's and tips, followed by watching instructional videos, then watching interviews with British actresses, and of course watching movies. Anna Karenina with Kiera Knightley was on a lot so watched that one a few times. I also recorded myself than listened to see what was good and what needed work. When I see the footage from Venial, if my accent comes out decent, I may do a more detailed post about it. Let's see though!!

So that has taken a lot of my focus for the past week. I also was responsible for my own wardrobe. After all, this is an indie film. But Joe's films have been decent exposure for me so far and I genuinely enjoy working with him, so I really didn't mind. The time period for the film is 1917. My character is a devout Christian woman whose husband dies in WW1 which drives her to the dark side. I try to never rent from a costume store. I haven't played a character yet where I haven't been able to come up with something myself from researching and shopping at thrift stores. Although this character has been the most difficult to dress. At least it seemed that way at first. Once I found inspiration (Downtown Abbey), that helped me a lot. Around this time, women were beginning to dress more modern. So I wanted to incorporate some signs of the time but also keep it conservative as my character is a hard-core Catholic who probably is not super trendy for that time. The big trends from that time which I incorporated were a hemline about mid-calf showing white wool stockings and shoes with a small curved heel. I have to say, I had so much fun perusing thrift stores in Manhattan, Brooklyn, and Jersey. I think I did pretty well. I also had to figure out how to do my hair and makeup. 
                           
                             
     (Just a few of the wardrobe options.
         Minus the glasses of course!)

Even though the dialogue is being improvised and I was unsure of which scenes we would be filming the first day, I knew enough about my character to mentally prepare. Basically, I came up with lines beforehand which would hopefully work for each situation. Then, I practiced them over and over and over with the British accent. I was very happy that I got to use almost every line I came up with during the shoot on Thursday. I also mentally prepared myself to deal with all the heavy emotions I would have to show. It's hard to explain how I do this. I just let myself feel each emotion deeply and, well, practice. 

So, yeah, all that prep work combined with my survival job has made me a wee bit fatigued. If my punctuation is off in this post even more than usual that's why. But I'm feeling so satisfied about how well the shoot went. I'm so grateful to work continuously with Joe, his crew members, and this amazing group of actors that he has put together. It's a bonus to be on set and work with people who you have come to know and like. I can't wait to finish the film. As of right now, I'm feeling blissful. Hopefully I will still feel this way after I see my performance in the film on the big screen.  Because sometimes, your work doesn't translate to screen like you expected (to put it gently). Like I said earlier, let's see!!! ;-)


                  (Hair and makeup)


    (Saint Josaphat's Monastery in Long
                Island where we shot.)

      


Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Supporting the Indie Projects You Have Acted In

So I've come across a new (for me) aspiring/struggling actor issue; what is enough when it comes to supporting all the indie projects you've worked in? By this statement, I mean a couple of things. The first is about wanting to support the films financially even though you are still a mostly always broke struggling actor. The second is about promoting your projects on social media and risking annoying people by constantly asking for their support and by constantly talking about your work.

When I speak about financially supporting the films you are involved in, I'm mostly referring to donating to fundraising campaigns like Indigogo or Kickstarter. I think both of these sites are a great idea. I love having the opportunity to to help get a film I've worked in produced, edited, or submitted to film festivals. The problem is that I am never able to give more than an average of $10.00-15.00. Even that amount can be pushing it at times for me. I have to admit that I usually feel guilty that I can't give more. But really, as struggling actors who may not even be getting paid for the project, is it necessary to donate? I wonder if directors really expect us to. 
And on top of that, if you are an actor, you probably have a lot of artist friends also involved in projects and you would like to show support to them as well. Kickstarter and Indigogo are fairly new, so this isn't something actors had to deal with a few years ago unless you were investing in or producing the project yourself. I feel like it is yet another expense to add to the list of many things we already have to invest in. It can also get a little stressful worrying about how much you should or can afford to give. Is it enough that you already gave your time, talent, and image?

Financial support can also mean purchasing the DVD of the film or any related merchandise. Are you obligated to do so? After all, aren't you expecting your friends and family to buy it? Shouldn't you light the way and show you really believe in the project and believe that it is worth the money? (Although to me it is very exciting to purchase a DVD of a movie which you were actually in.)

I personally feel it is important to try and give what you can. But keep in mind that most people probably understand that if you are an artist--and not yet known--you probably have limited funds available. And if you absolutely can't spare anything at the time, I don't think you should feel guilty. You will probably have a chance to donate at another time or show support in another way.

Which brings to me the second type of support I was talking about, sharing on social media. You know, asking friends, family, and followers to watch the trailers/clips, "like" the films's Facebook/IMDB pages, and also donate money. This is the quickest and easiest way to show your support for something you've worked in. But how do you give equal attention to each of your projects without getting on everyone's nerves? Especially while continuing to share your own personal things like reels, headshots, blogs (wink, wink). One thing I try to do is spread out the message over all the different sites and not necessarily at the same time. I may tweet it in the morning, and share it on Facebook in the afternoon. Or I may share something on Twitter much more often than I post the same info on Facebook. Sometimes it's one or the other and that's it. And don't forget Instagram, Tumblr, and Google+! Also, if it's my personal Facebook page I try not to push it too much and may not share every single thing I am working in; I share only things that are extra exciting. On a fan page though, people expect to hear all of your acting updates and news so you should post all of your projects there. I do fear coming across as obnoxious if I'm working in a lot at the moment, but I guess the bottom line is that I am an actress. Promoting my projects is part of what I do. A person can always choose if they don't wish to follow me any more or be friends. I think for the most part, those who really care like to see that you are working hard towards your dream.

These are just a couple more ways in which the industry has changed over the past few years. I think actors should embrace these opportunities as not only a way to support the film (that includes director, cast, crew) but also as a way to help get your own name out there. Unless it is a big budget Hollywood project, you donating even a small amount to a production or sharing it with your friends/connections may make a big difference in the life of a film.











Thursday, August 22, 2013

Actresses who Inspire Me: Bette Davis


I am sad (and embarrassed) to say that I only discovered the incredible Miss Bette Davis within the past couple years. I'm not really sure how this happened since as a young child watching classic films was one of my two favorite past times. (The other was reading.) I remember one Saturday afternoon a neighborhood friend had asked me to come out and play but I "just couldn't" because Funny Face with Audrey Hepburn was on and it was absolutely my favorite movie. I was about 11 years old. So yes, I am surprised that I am just discovering this dynamic screen legend whose talent was seen in over 100 films, who was nominated for ten Oscars, who won two of them, and who is the epitome of what it means to be a star. Maybe as a child films like Funny Face appealed to me more at the time because they seemed more colorful. Of course, I've always known of Bette Davis, how could I not. I knew that she was one of the most famous Hollywood actresses of all time and that she was a classic beauty known for her eyes. But I never really knew the extent of her talent or the range of her work. 

When I watch Bette Davis on screen I am just in awe of her talent, personality, and unique beauty. I cannot change the channel when one of her movies is on. (I'm sorry if all that sounds cliche or corny, but it's true and I don't know how else to say it.) Regardless of any negative aspects of her personal life that have emerged over the years and her reputation for being "tough," she was an inspiring woman on and off screen. She fought hard to get the roles that she knew she deserved. She was always herself, she had strength, she had deep passion for acting, and she knew she was great. All aspiring actresses should look into her story of how she fought Warner Brothers and as a result she started receiving roles that were more challenging than the ones they had wanted to cast her in. Miss Davis knew her worth and didn't settle. At the same time, she knew she wasn't perfect and never pretended to be. 
The first movie I ever saw her in was Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. She was in her 50's and even though I had not yet seen her younger work, I was captivated. Right away I understood the reason why she was (and still is) a mega star. It's so many things; her voice, her strength, her skill, her looks. After watching many of her films (my favorite so far is All About Eve), I can say that her characters are fully developed and she is absolutely uninhibited. There are many actresses whom I admire who are just as talented in acting as Bette Davis and maybe some who are even as captivating, but for me, there is something powerful about her that I don't see in others. 

After reading about her and recently watching an interview she did for the Dick Cavett Show back in 1971, it seems that Miss Davis and I have many opposing philosophies on life; on what is right and what is wrong. 
It is interesting for me to imagine the two of us meeting. I think from her perspective she would see me as too nice and perhaps naive. 

Still, there are many ways in which I feel I relate to her or hope to be like her. For an actress who rose to fame during the era of high Hollywood glamour and true leading ladies, she wasn't afraid to play characters who weren't necessarily likable. She wasn't afraid to do films that were dark or even a little strange (The Nanny, Whatever Happened to Baby Jane). 

Miss Davis believed that acting actually shouldn't be so natural that it is as if you are just being yourself. She didn't even believe in ad libbing
during a scene. Her reasoning being that people go see movies in order to get away from real life. (Source-Dick Cavett interview 1971.)

"Acting should be bigger than life. Scripts should be bigger than life. It should all be bigger than life."-Bette Davis

I love this quote and understand completely why she felt this way. In fact, when I was young I thought acting on screen was supposed to be glamorous, stylized, dramatic, and not like real life. I would often try to imitate actresses from classic films--their voices, their expressions--because I thought if I were like them that would mean I was a great actress. I just thought these actresses were way better than actresses of today. I didn't realize yet that when acting I was supposed to bring myself to the character. Of course it isn't true that that the actresses of today are not as talented. The style of film has just changed. Actually, today's movies allow actors to give much more in depth performances because now we are more focused on subtleties. But ANWAYS, the point is that it was the actresses of classic film who inspired my acting once I chose that profession. It still is. There are many incredible actresses today whose talent amazes me, but when I feel discouraged, I can only feel reignited by watching classic film stars. 
"You know what I'm going to have
on my gravestone? 'She did it the hard way.'"-Bette Davis

And that is exactly what it says on her tombstone. Integrity was important to her. I sometimes feel that I am doing "it the hard way." I'm sure that means something different for everybody. We all have different challenges and different boundaries. 
For me, it means upholding my faith in Jesus Christ above my acting career. That doesn't mean I will only do "Christian" films or only play "saintly" characters (I love dark, gritty, strange films) but it does mean I myself won't curse, take the Lord's name in vain, or do any nudity. Making a career out of acting is hard, and my decisions to not do those things make it even harder. 

Lately, I have been going through one of my down times in my acting career. This one has lasted longer than normal. Not just because I haven't been getting many auditions (I can deal with that at the moment because aside from the past few weeks, I've been working in quite a few projects), but because I just haven't felt like doing anything needed to get more auditions. I also haven't felt like blogging or being on social media. I guess it is a sort of depression. Part of it is from the fact that juggling my last few films with each other AND with my day job really drained me this time. It is over and done with now, but even thinking about it makes my heart beat faster and gives me a sick feeling in my tummy. (I'm happy and grateful for those parts, but it was very hard to balance it all at once.)

The other night I was flipping through the channels and came across the movie Dark Victory starring of course, Bette Davis. It was at the end of the film, but just seeing her in the last scene made me immediately say to myself "I have to keep going." It made feel happy about the work I have done so far but also made me want to start working hard again so I can become better. It brought back the hope that achieving my dreams is possible. It made me remember why I love acting and chose to be an actress in the first place. As I said before, there is certainly something powerful about Miss Davis. 
Some of My Favorite Bette Davis Quotes:

"I will not retire while I've still got my legs and my make-up box."

"Attempt the impossible to improve your work."

"To fulfill a dream, to be allowed to sweat over a lonely labor, to be given a chance to create, is the meat and potatoes of life. The money is the gravy."

"Hollywood always wanted me to be pretty, but I fought for realism."

"Psychoanalysis. Almost went three times-almost. Then I decided what was peculiar about me was probably what made me successful. I've seen some very talented actors go into analysis and really lose it. "

"Good actors I've worked with with all started out making faces in a mirror, and you keep making faces all your life."

"I am just too much."
(Quotes were taken from many various websites.)

                                          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gA8xVXVmM0w
Love this clip from her interview with Dick Cavett in 1971. It shows her personality and how funny she was.













Monday, July 15, 2013

One of my recent short films, Sarah's Silence

Hello Everyone!!

I am sharing a short film I recently worked in called Sarah's Silence. The producers are currently submitting the film to several festivals. One of them is called the Once a Week Online Film Festival. In order to win the Audience Choice Award, we need to have the most shares. Please visit, watch, and share the film from it's festival page. Thanks so much!!!

http://www.onceaweekfilmfest.com/sarahs-silence

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Dark Romance

Everyone be sure to check out Dark Romance, a film I acted in that was part of the 48 Hour Film Festival NYC 2013. Teams have two days to write, shoot, and edit a film. I had so much fun!!
I was told I was "the perfect combination of sweet and creepy."
Thanks for watching!
Watch here: http://vimeo.com/67556332

http://m.imdb.com/title/tt2986682/