Appreciating Our Day Jobs While Pursuing Acting

Oh where to begin.... I felt inspired to write a post about things I actually enjoy about my day job the other morning when taking pics of my lipstick choice of the day to post to Instagram. Posting these pics reminds of how much I love makeup. Makeup I would probably not have (errr..couldn't afford) if I didn't work at a cosmetics counter. Taking pics of all my different color choices also reminds of how much fun makeup is and that I am lucky I get to spend 20 hours a week playing with it while getting paid.

Often when I write about my job, I am writing because I'm frustrated that I still have to work a survival job when all I want to do is act. And although I am so thankful to God for my job, I definitely have days in which it is extremely hard to feel that way. So I thought I would do a post pointing out the good things and the benefits I've earned. Maybe it will inspire you to do the same.

To start, there is nothing as fulfilling and fun to me as acting. That is the only thing I will pursue as a career and I will always refer to my survival job as a survival job, or day job, because it will never be something I plan on falling back on. I don't have anything to fall back on. Acting is it for me. So many days, it is a pain to get up and get ready work. Especially if the day before I was on set all day. I have days when I feel very down being at work; wondering when I am going to be able to leave because I am finally pulling in some decent money acting. Some days, it takes a lot to push through, even if I'm only there for a few hours.

But, not all days are bad. And there are definite bright spots. Some days are actually fun. And the other day, as the store opened, I remembered there was actually a time where getting a job at a cosmetics counter in a department store was a dream of mine. Not a grand dream like acting as always been, but I always dreamed that being a cosmetics girl would be my job while I pursue acting. I forgot all about that dream. It was nice to reflect upon it this morning and realize that it has come true. You see, I have always worked in retail, mostly at department stores. Since I was in high school actually. I would always look at the cosmetics girls as if they were the cheerleaders of those stores. You know, the coolest and most popular ones there, which during my school years I was far from. Also, I had started playing with makeup as a kid, as well as studied art all through school. I was quite good actually at painting and drawing (sometimes I feel the urge to pick it up again), so working in cosmetics seemed liked a natural fit for me. I worked in retail for about 7-8 years before I got a job in cosmetics. (The first brand I ever worked was Clinique, if anyone is curious).  Wow I feel old thinking about how long ago that was!! I won't even mention how long I've been doing makeup now but it's been awhile.

The point is sometimes I forget the reasons that brought me to work at my particular survival job in the first place. There are also many reasons I choose to stay.

Here is the list of the things I truly appreciate about my job:

1) I get to play with makeup while being paid for it and it's for a brand that I absolutely love YSL. In fact, there is only one other line I love as much and that's NARS.

2) Working where I do enables me to easily keep up with trends. To me, being an actress goes hand-in-hand with fashion.

3) I get to make people feel beautiful.

4) Pretty flexible scheduling. Usually there is someone able to switch shifts with me if need be. Also, I am sure to do scheduling favors for my manager when I can so she will be more understanding if I have something come up. That's a great tip actually. Always have a good attitude and do your best to do what the job requires and those in authority will be more apt to give you what you want.

5) Being in NYC, I work with the most diverse clientele possible. Meaning, I never know who I may meet. Perhaps a movie producer, a casting director, an agent? That I know of it hasn't happened yet, but that hope and possibility (daydream) is always with me.

6) Free makeup, free skincare, and discounts in other departments. One of my best purchases ever was a leather (err...pleather) dress that I bought for $4.00 using special employee coupons that can be used like cash within that particular store.

7) I've been there so long that I know how things work. I know when I can and can't afford to call out or be late. I know how to do my job well, or at least, on some days, well enough to get by without getting in trouble.

8) I rationalize that since acting is the only thing I want to do, I wouldn't be any happier working any other survival job than the one I work now.

AND

9) This is the NUMBER ONE reason that I appreciate my survival job right now and do not plan on going anywhere else whilst I pursue acting (this also is because of how long I've been here): I have many many paid vacation days and personal days. For someone pursuing acting, that is priceless.
Loyalty to a company does pay off. Believe me, if I wanted to pursue a career in makeup, I would not stay at this location. I would want to be at a cute little boutique in Soho. But I want to be an actress. Therefore I stay and take advantage of these free days I get. I always have to think of the big picture.

I know more than anyone how depressing it can be to do any other work besides what you truly love and want to be known for and be successful at. I am not telling you to stay at a job where you are miserable; not at all. You must always follow your heart. I am just telling you to weigh your options as it pertains to being able to fully pursue acting. I heard someone at my job recently say "this job is a means to get what you want." It's so true and to hear it put in those exact words really lifted me up that day and made me want to keep pushing. There must some things you like about your survival job; whatever job that may be. Like some of things in my list, it may not be about the job itself, or your position, or it's location. It may be more about what the job provides you in regards to pursuing your acting: flexibility, benefits, sick days, and, uh, hello, money for all those actor things. And if you are so completely miserable every single day, and can't find any moments of joy here and there, AND it's so bad that you can't stay focused on your dreams, then maybe look for something else. If you feel you have no other day job options at the moment, then turn that despair into determination to become a more successful actor. I have to do that at times and it absolutely makes me work doubly hard towards getting that next acting job.

BTW, this isn't a recommendation to work in retail. A lot of the advantages I have at this job are only because I have stuck with it for so long. Just starting out things wouldn't be that flexible. What this post IS is a recommendation to keep in mind the good things--however menial and hard to see they may be--that you get out of your survival job and to work them to your advantage in every way possible when it comes to pursuing your acting career.

                  Me in Work Mode

On the Upside of Acting Things....

I'm not gonna lie. Things in the acting world have been slow for me lately. Extremely slow. Unbearably slow. And it baffles me that of the many, many, many, submissions I have sent out over the past couple months, I haven't been asked to any auditions.

But even still, things are looking up. This past week proved to be fairly productive and I'm feeling my passion for acting being revved up. It really is amazing how seemingly small projects can get you excited about what you do.

First of all, the decision to go part time at my survival job so far has been a great one. I feel so much less stressed and I feel more like an actor now-not just a retail associate. And when I am at work, I actually enjoy it once again. Like, I love doing makeup and getting sales, and getting my Starbucks before starting my shift. I haven't felt that way about my day job in a long time. I actually feel healthier too because I don't have as much stress now. Yes, I will have to cut back on things financially but as long as I can pay my bills, feed my cat, and eat, I'm good. I feel it's best to live simply anyways. (I will be sure to treat myself to something fashionable once in a while of course.) But people can work so hard to make money and then one day have to spend it anyways on stress related health problems. I guess it comes down to what is best for you and your family and I do understand that not everyone is able to make the choice to work less hours.

Okay, back to this past week. I had a successful meeting with a very talented film director about possibly working in his upcoming feature. He is gathering a pool of talent and to start with he will direct and film me performing a couple of monologues which he has chosen. The videos are professionally done and afterwards are edited and placed online on his website. You guys don't even know how much this excites me. Now I have two awesome new monologues to work on the next couple of weeks, I have made a valuable new connection which will potentially lead to bigger things with this director, and this will also give me some added exposure. Sounds like a blessing to me.

I also feel very happy that I connected with the Community College Comedians about possibly doing an upcoming sketch with them. Everyone should definitely check them out. They are awesome!! Their comedy sketches are genuinely funny, original, professional, and refreshingly wholesome. It's hard to find all of those things nowadays. I totally respect and love what they do and am always happy to work with them.

And FINALLY I started editing my latest reel. That will be up soon. While going through footage, I realized I actually have a lot of good stuff to choose from. I realized too that instead of complaining about how slow things are for me right now, I should thank my Lord above for every single one of those opportunities. Sometimes, I get so focused on booking the next role, that I forget to be grateful for the ones I've already done.

Oooohh and one more thing....the episode I did of "I Killed My BFF" will air Monday April 1 on A&E Biography. That definitely encourages me to press forward and reminds me of how far I've come. And the preview looks so cool!!:)

So everything does seem to be looking up. All I, or you, can do is hang in there. Things always turn around if you are consistent and have faith. And you never know where an opportunity can come from so always keep your eyes and ears open. Also keep in mind that even though something may seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things, you never know where it could lead, or how it could strengthen you. So don't be too quick to overlook any offer even if you feel like you are too far ahead in your career to consider it. When things are slow, I don't think you can afford to anyways. But that's just me. :)

The Basic Steps to Start Your Acting Career

I'm sure by now you've read blogs and articles and then more blogs about how acting is not the glamorous profession that you think it is. I'm sure you've read how you have to put in years of working without getting paid and that if you are in this business to be famous, then you are in the wrong business because only a tiny, tiny percentage of actors are well known. Well, all that is true. Pursuing a career in acting is a full time job all in itself. So along with the day job you will have to work in order to pay the bills, you will feel sometimes as if you are working two full time jobs. And if acting is the only work that really fulfills you, it will be very hard for you to enjoy working your survival job. (I have a great job doing makeup for a cosmetics line that I love, but the more acting I do, the less makeup artistry and selling satisfy me.)

Basically, the point is that all the articles you have read about acting are true. But there is hope. If everything you have heard about acting doesn't make you reconsider your choice to pursue it and you feel determined AND you are not afraid to invest a lot of money into it, then maybe you should go for it. Remember nothing is impossible. Meaning, some actors do make it big. Or at least are able to make their living from it even though they aren't famous. So why not you? (And why not me, for that matter?) So here is my version of the quintessential "getting started in acting" article. I think it is overwhelming to try to get started in this business. Heck, it feels overwhelming to write this post because there are so many things that need to be done and tips to share. But I feel there are a few basics that can get you started in the right direction. As always, I am bringing my personal perspective and experience to each step. I do not pretend to be a star (yet!) and yes, I do work still work a day job, but I have had some small successes in this business and I am not gonna give up!

Also, I want to quickly mention that you can begin no matter where you live. That way when it is time to move to a bigger city, which will probably eventually need to happen, you will be more prepared.

Step #1-Funding: I think the first thing you need to have is to have a day job that you enjoy. A job where you will be able to attend auditions (and look for auditions) and make enough money to pay for headshots, classes, casting sites, etc. A job where if you have to step away and check an email, return a call, or quickly check the latest casting notices, it won't be that big of deal. Acting is your business and requires your complete attention to make it work. Believe me, I try not to do anything to draw negative attention to myself at my survival job but if I need to check my email I will tell my co-workers and step away. I always remind myself that acting comes first. And by the way, having a good attitude goes a long way with your bosses. If you are always positive and have a good work ethic they are usually a little more flexible with you. So, at least pretend like you care. The bottom line is that you need to make enough money to take care of yourself (and family if need be) as well as enough to start your acting business.

The rest of the steps don't necessarily need to be done in any particular order, but they do need to be done in order for you to get a good start. Focusing on one or the other first will depend on your personal timing, comfort level, and budget. In general, I think the following steps can/should all be done around the same time if you are completely ready and absolutely itching to jump right into this career.

Step #2-Headshots: I was going to list finding a good class as number two but I'm going to put getting great headshots ahead of that and here's why: you can audition for many films without training and experience. Just look on Craigslist or Mandy.com. There are many filmmakers just getting started and will actually state in the ad that its okay if you don't have experience. In fact, some will state that they actually prefer no experience as they are learning as well. Some will even just require a regular picture not a pro headshot. These include student filmmakers and those who are experimenting with their first work. They just ask that you be professional and passionate. This way you can at least start auditioning, getting the hang of submitting to castings, making connections, start gaining experience on set, and building your resume. I also want to add that I don't think you have to spend a lot of money on your first set of headshots unless you really have the extra money. You can find deals on Craigslist. Just be sure to look at the photographer's website and google them to find any possible reviews. If you do find a class before you get your photos done your school can probably refer you to someone professional.

Along the same lines, I think getting business cards with your current headshot and contact info is a great idea. Use Vistaprint . It's easy, quick, and inexpensive. Order the glossy finish; to me it makes your cards look more professional and of a higher quality. Of course, keep it simple. Here's my current business card:

I don't think postcards are necessary quite yet. (And when you get them, I would get them at your print shop. I found Vistaprint a little confusing for these. Maybe you will understand how their design program works though, so you may want to try.) I think postcards are good once you have something specific (meaning a reel, a play, a new role, an update, etc) to show casting directors. Postcards are for building relationships with industry professionals AFTER you have met them at a workshop or audition.

Step #2b-Resume: Put together your resume. Nice. Neat. Don't lie. If you think you don't have anything worthy to list, I bet that's not true. Put any theater programs you took in school or any plays you did,even if they were part of a class. If you were stage manager or production assistant or even in the chorus, list it. Those things show that you have experience in the field at least. Put any plays you may have done in church. If you sung in the choir at church or school, list it. If you ever took dance, list it. Here is the link to my resume at NYCastings: Tiffany Browne-Tavarez Resume  (Focus on the format/content of the text, not the photos/video for the purpose of learning how to write your resume.)

If you really, really, really, have never done anything that's okay. Just make it look professional and make sure your contact info and physical stats are accurate. A decent headshot and a good cover letter will go a long way when submitting to castings. Once you have started taking classes, be sure to list them under training.

Step #3-Training/Classes: You definitely want to get into some classes or workshops with teachers that have good reputations. You can find something no matter what your price range is. I would even recommend taking a seminar that is geared towards helping actors get started in the biz. If you are in NYC, I know that often these types of seminars are free or low cost.

If you have time and want to spend money on a conservatory program and believe that that type of training is best for you then go for it. You will be able to learn technique, character development, and scene breakdown. If you have never tried acting on any level, maybe this is the way to go. I personally did not take this route so I cannot say anything for or against it. But to me, I think when you are just getting started you should take more affordable classes until you have a clear idea of what you want. And I don't really believe that for film or commercials (especially commercials) you need conservatory training. For theater, yes, because that is the first thing that casting looks at. But for camera work you can find shorter classes that get straight to the point and allow you to just act and learn without over complicating things. You can find classes that are only one-three weeks in length or classes that are 8-12 weeks in length. You can take classes at studios where there are many teachers, or you can take different classes all taught by the same coach. Again it depends on your needs and what is gonna make YOU a better more fulfilled actor.

The best thing you can do is audit classes that you are interested in. Many coaches offer free seminars and classes to promote their teaching. When I took a few classes at Terry Schreiber Studios in NYC--which is a studio I would highly recommend--there was a free meet and greet with the teachers before you chose which classes you wanted to sign up for. Also try to look for instructors who have actual acting experience. If they are currently still acting, even better.

My Training History: I have relatively little training considering how long I have lived in the NYC area and how long I have been acting. I was in the Theatre program in high school and I did plays for class. Then I started doing community theater. All that went on my resume. When I moved to New York, I started with background work. And yes, I listed it on my resume until I got speaking roles. My first speaking role on camera was one line in a trailer that I never saw and have no idea what happened to it. My second on camera part was in a silent student film, and once again I never heard anything about it after filming. I have built up my resume, experience, and connections little by little. I have taken a few classes since moving to New York, but mostly my talent has been honed on set or at home studying my characters. Honestly--and I'm not necessarily proud of this--I am not usually enrolled in a class. Maybe my way is unconventional and maybe it takes more time than intensive studying. Or maybe I'm on to something here. I really don't know. But it works for me. I do believe in continued classes and coaching, in fact there is a class starting in March that I am hoping to take. But I think being on set is more important. Actually, several times I have decided to take certain classes only to be cast in a part that would keep me from attending. I mean, what's a girl to do? Decide for yourself what is right!! And remember, I did at least have a substantial background in theatre when I moved here.

Step #4-Get Experience: Start submitting and auditioning!! Audition for everything including student films. It's free to search Craigslist and Mandy.com. In fact, Mandy.com is not only free to search, but you can upload your headshot and resume and submit directly to the projects listed on the site for free as well. Another free casting site--at least for basic membership--is Talent Pages. Build your experience by using these sites. When you are ready, then you can pay the fees to join Actors Access, NYCastings, and/or Casting Networks.

Along the same lines, try to get on set somehow even if that means starting out with background work. You shouldn't list background work on your resume unless you have no other on camera experience whatsoever. Until you get speaking roles at least this will show you have been on set. But be honest and make it clear on your resume that you were an extra and don't try to exaggerate it. Once you start getting even one line roles in even student films take off the background work. And when working as background, pay attention to EVERYTHING!! If you are able to, watch the principle actors. Learn the lingo and the roles of each crew member. Learn about marks and lighting and sound. Take it all in. The set itself and how the shot is carefully created is one of the most exciting things about this business.

Step #5-Get Good: Work on your craft at home. Find monologues, screenplays, plays, commercial copy and practice them. Practice them different ways. Practice them in front of the mirror. Record yourself on your phone or webcam performing something and then watch it back. Learn what you do well and what habits show up too much on camera and may need to change. If you are brave enough yet, post your videos online and get feedback.

So, to me those are the main actions you need to take in order to get started in acting. But before I end this post I want to give a few tips to ponder that will help carry you through each phase of your career.

BIG Tip #1: If you are just beginning, don't worry about trying to get an agent or joining the union. Just get experience and build your connections.

BIG Tip#2: Use everything you learn to your advantage but at the same time find your own path.

BIG Tip #3: Don't compare yourself to any other actor. And don't compare your career to any other actor's either. I know this is easier said than done and we all struggle with it from time to time (yes, I'm guilty okay!), but when it happens check it quickly so you don't lose focus.

BIG Tip #4 : Just be your charming self when meeting with industry professionals.

BIG Tip #5: DON'T GIVE UP!! Of course, if this is what you really want no one should have to tell you that. Because if this is what you really want then you will never care what any one else thinks. You will chase this dream no matter what; whether you eventually catch it or chase it your whole life. If this is what you really want, you will not put any limits on pursuing it. Meaning you will not say "if I don't get an audition in a few months, I will go back to what I really went to school for," or "if I don't make it by the time I'm 36 years old, I will give up." Don't get me wrong, I understand that dreams may change as we age, and I also think that some dreams we have may never be fulfilled. You may even have to sacrifice one dream to obtain another. So always listen to God, follow your heart, and choose wisely.

Well, that's it. Those are the basic steps (according to me anyways) to take in order to get started in an acting career. Once you start to gain experience, if you remain consistent, you will naturally add in steps like branding yourself, attending industry showcases, utilizing social media, getting postcards, and forming a reel just to name a few. But at the very beginning you don't need to get caught up in or worry about not having those things.

After reading this post, I hope you are feeling encouraged and not overwhelmed. I hope that if acting is your one true passion you will be able to put some of these steps into action and I wish you the best. If you think I left any thing out, or you want to share something from your journey, please leave a comment. Thanks so much for reading!!!:)

Acting vs Day Job: Making the Leap of Faith from Full-time to Part-time

I am about to take a big step in my life in an effort to take my acting career to the next level; I am about to go from a full-time position at my day job to a part-time position. That's right folks. It is time and things are set in motion. I've been preparing for this and praying over it for a few months now. This isn't just some spontaneous decision.

I am super excited. My days will be open for auditioning and searching for auditions (the position consists of night shifts). And I will have a WHOLE extra day open for any possible acting job. I feel like not only will this help me to be more dedicated to acting, but I will also be able to be more focused at my regular job. I mean, less hours equals more energy right? Really though, I am tired of going into work and not being able to focus on my tasks because I am thinking about how much I need to step away ASAP and check Actors Access.

But I'd be lying if I said I am not anxious about this change, or even a little nervous. In my head I have gone over and over how much money I need to make in order to pay my half of the bills each month. I should be fine. I will just have to really cut down on dry cleaning and Starbucks. (I love getting my clothes dry cleaned: they come back looking brand new.) But the key word is should. This transition being still a few weeks away, I really don't know what it's gonna be like and that makes me nervous.

Of course, the goal is to get more paid acting work to help balance out the difference in income. I especially want to break into commercials this year, and when you are called in to audition for one, it is usually the next day. I don't feel comfortable meeting with commercial agents and casting directors if I know my daily work schedule will be an issue. Now I will be free to do more networking.

But what if I don't get any auditions? What if I get lazy with the extra time? Even though I get acting work pretty consistently right now, what if right when I have more time for it all of it ironically stops for me? These are all questions going through my mind at the moment and gripping me. Or rather they are fears.

That realization hit me while writing this post. These questions are fears. And I do not live my life according to fears. Yes, wondering whether or not you will be able to pay your bills is a valid concern, but when you are feeling the tug to do something, and the opportunity presents itself, you can not let questions and fears and the "what ifs" stop you. I have peace deep down, deeper than any emotion or feeling, that this is right thing for me at this moment.

Maybe I won't book anything for months. That happens. But I can't imagine that I will get lazy when it comes to making this career happen. (Hopefully not anyways; after all, I am not perfect.) I've come so far in the past couple of years. I know it won't be easy, but I feel that as long as I keep doing what I've been doing I should continue to move forward.

The Responsibility to be Irresponsible(?!!)

Sometimes I really hate being such a responsible person. You may be thinking "responsibility is good thing!" Yes, it is. But when it comes to juggling acting (what I love) and my day job (what the pays the bills for right now), I wish I didn't care so much about whether or not my manager sees me as a trouble maker. Especially since I know that I am anything but one.

I expected my next blog- which was to be written sometime this week- was going to be all about the joys of being SAG eligible, because I am as of today (hollah!!!!), but after a shoot for the feature film "Apex Rising" this past weekend, I am inspired to write about the inner turmoil that I face on a regular basis. I'm talking about the stress I face when trying to balance acting with my survival job.

The bottom line is that acting comes first. But it's not easy for me to call out or come in late. I hate to put myself in a position where I can be reprimanded in any way. When I do finally leave my day job I want it to be on good terms. I would never want to be fired. I never want to be written up. I can't stand confrontation and I don't like to disappoint anybody. So I can't even tell you how fast my heartbeats and tight my stomach gets when I have to pick up the phone and tell a manager that I wont be in for my shift that day. Just being late isn't as big a deal. But to be a few hours late does make me a little nervous.

Well, Saturday was my third shoot day for the upcoming horror film "Apex Rising" by Jim Terriaca. This was exciting for me because usually for these indie films all my scenes are shot in one day. We have been filming a few months now and with a longer shoot period such as this, an actor is able to develop and understand their character more deeply. And I can't explain how satisfying that is. That's why Saturday's shoot was so important to me. I began to understand my character in a way that I didn't experience the first two days of shooting. And the funny thing is I barely had any dialogue for this shoot.

But before I even get to a set I have to work out my schedule. I want to quickly say that my stressing out over being late/absent has nothing to do with money. I stress because of my sense of obligation. I don't care if my check is short next payday. That doesn't matter. (I can't afford to lose my job either but you know what I am trying to say.) And by the way, I am not getting paid for this film, but I believe in it. Anyways, this was a morning shoot so I had to switch my schedule with a co-worker so I could do a closing shift. No problem. I was told I would be done for sure with my scenes by early afternoon so I chose to go knowing I would probably be only an hour or two late for work. Again, that's not too big a deal. (And my manager was off that day, so that made things a just little easier:)) Of course, the set was an hour train ride away from my job and filming somehow never quite goes as planned.....

As the time that I was anticipating leaving was getting closer and closer (very quickly I might add), my last scene still had not been shot. This is when I start getting nervous. The director actually told me it would be okay for me leave since my shot for the next scene was really just going to be background shots to establish my character further in the film. But to me leaving would have been unprofessional. I mean, I made the choice to be there and I know that filming always runs longer planned. This is when the inner battle begins. Do I stay and miss half a day of work on a weekend then have to come up with something to tell my manager before she checks the clock-ins Monday?
Or do I leave since I probably won't have dialogue and make it to work at a decent hour?

Of course I decided to wait it out. Nothing beats the feeling of being on set. I would have been very sad if I left. But what really made the decision for me was my desire for the film to be the best it can be. And the desire for my character to be further developed and firmly established throughout the film.

Well, I ended up staying only a couple hours later but with an hour train ride ahead of me I would actually be more than half a day late. I realized though that by next week or so this wouldn't even be a memory for anyone. Not even my manager.

I guess for some people this type of decision isn't a big deal, but for someone who hates confrontation it is. I am always telling myself that I wish I were more brave when it comes to dealing with my job. But when I think about it, I guess I already am brave. When it matters, I make that phone call and do what I have to do despite all the nerves and queasiness. Then I let it go and focus completely on my role.

The fact is until I am consistently booking higher paying acting gigs this type of situation is going to be my reality. I am at the point where I am constantly trying make my work schedule fit my acting but I feel like I'm getting better at handling it. And with the holidays coming up and me working retail, I need to be strong.

The decision to put your art and dreams first can be so hard at times when you have other obligations and responsibilities. But you have to think about what it is that you really want. Sometimes you are going to have to let people down, take a smaller paycheck, and let your other responsibilities slide until tomorrow. Or next week. (Or next month!!) That's life. When you are finally living your dreams those moments won't matter any more and you will wonder why you ever worried about them in the first place. And the people who really matter will still be by your side cheering you on.

It's never easy but I can tell you one thing- as I sat on the train to Manhattan, about to be four hours late for work on a Saturday, I was smiling.

The Acting Blues Lifted....A follow up to last week's post

I realized yesterday while at work that I am truly grateful for those moments when I feel down.  I am truly grateful for the days when I go into work and feel depressed to be there.  Because in those moments a great determination arises within me.  I HAVE to be an actress.  I HAVE to make my living by acting.  To have anything less will just not satisfy.  I have a good "day" job (in quotes because I work retail and work till 9:45 two nights a week).  I work at a makeup counter and get to do makeovers and sell and make commission and I'm good at it.  But it doesn't compare to acting. Acting is my true passion.  And I believe that if you have a dream and God is leading you in that direction then you follow.  I also believe that you do what makes you happy and gives you peace no matter how impossible it seems.  Inner peace far exceeds those moments of frustration and feelings of wanting to give up.  Inner peace even exceeds moments of happiness.  So I really believe that one day I will make my living through acting only.  Not saying I'll be famous folks, just saying I won't have to work retail anymore.

Last week, I wrote that I hadn't been getting called to any auditions lately and that I wanted to get back into acting classes.  Well here is what went down this past week:

Monday night- I took that free class I mentioned taught by acting coach John Pallotta and it was awesome!! Can you believe I almost didn't end up going?!!  Luckily, my wonderful husband encouraged me to go and I'm glad I listened.  I can't even believe this class was free.  In two and a half hours, Mr. Pallotta covered monologues, film auditions, and commercials.  I learned so much.  His coaching style is honest and real.  At the same time, there is an ease about the way he pushes you to make something better.  I am definitely considering paying for the full course in the future, but while taking this class I realized that right now I want to take commercial classes specifically.

I already signed up for a commercial intensive on Tuesday the 4th with Jagger Kaye (CnC Studios). He is another great teacher and is also a successful actor.  Like  John Pallotta,  Jagger has that very honest, tough love teaching style.  I took this class last summer and thought I should take it again.  I can't wait.

Tuesday- I was supposed to film a promo, which was to be paid, and it never happened.  I don't know why.  I didn't hear anything else about it.  I was so bummed, but it happens.  It could have been for any reason.  Maybe they found another actress that they liked more:(

Wednesday- director Jim Terriaca called to give me my next shoot date for indie feature "Apex Rising. Yay!!! Cant wait!! Check it out-Apex Rising Examiner Article


Thursday- I did some background work for a film.  I really hate doing  background.  (I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it, or even that I'm too good for it, it just depresses me.) But for this job I got paid 75$ in cash at the end of a six hour shoot.  I was very grateful for that.  It was my day off anyway.

Which brings me to Friday and back to how depressed I was feeling as I clocked in at work yesterday.  Normally, I push through and get right to work.  Normally I choose to be happy while  I'm there and do my best.  After all, I'm grateful for this job.  But some days, like yesterday, it is such a challenge.  Some days it seems like I won't be able to get through the day.  And I feel like crying because I have to pretend with the managers that I actually care about things that I don't actually care about.  Of course  part of me does care because I hate to let anyone down and right now I need this job.  And  I like to do well and make my goals.

But if I always felt completely happy and satisfied with my day job, would I constantly be trying to take my acting career to the next level?  That's why I said earlier that I am actually grateful for these moments of "desperation."  I become fiercely determined.  Yesterday, within the first hour of being at work, I decided for sure that I would take a five week commercial class, by casting director Angela Mickey, that I had been debating over the last couple days.  I decided that even if I have to use what little money I have in my savings or pay for this class with my credit card, I will.  It starts Sept 10, which is short notice, so I'm waiting to hear back about any open spots.  If there are none, I will look for another commercial acting class as reputable as this one.

Maybe if I had gone into work yesterday feeling happy to be there I would still be debating whether or not to invest in this class.

In fact, I have made a commitment to attend at least one class, industry event, or showcase each week.

I didn't get called in for any auditions this week either.  But instead of panicking, I'm using this time to elevate myself as an actor.  This commitment will  inevitably lead to more opportunities. Hopefully.  It has to.

So let's see what happens;)

Links:
John Pallotta Acting Coach
Jagger Kaye CnC Studios Classes
Angela Mickey's Booking the Commercial Class via NYCastings