Tuesday, February 23, 2016

#thestruggleisreal A Poem for Aspiring Actors, Artists, and Those Who Support Us

Had such a busy year last year and now I feel like I've hit a plateau and the next move is confusing in my mind. #thestruggleisreal 

I seem to have lost most or all motivation to do anything acting related. (Including writing this blog......sorry for the long absence.) #thestruggleisreal 

I feel like I'm always stuck. #thestruggleisreal

Goal deadlines come and go unmet causing feelings of depression. I'm hard on myself. #thestruggleisreal

Struggling with my belief/faith in God and His plan for my career. I know I cannot make it on my own. #thespiritualstruggleisreal

Seeing fellow actors reach milestones ahead of me isn't always easy. While I'm genuinely happy for them (each and every one of them deserve it,) I wish I could get there too. 

Being size 6 when other actresses at my level are size 0-2. I run, but I also love to eat darn it. (And with these hips I'd be happy being a four.) #thedietstruggleisreal

Feeling like I suck and that I'm the worst actress in the world and feeling like I don't deserve success. #theconfidencestruggleisreal

Projects I work in get postponed and some may never get restarted. Which really stinks if I've fallen in love with my character and the script. #thestruggleisreal 

Projects I work in get postponed and when they start up again my hair has to match each character. Like in one film my hair is much longer while in another it's short. What if we start filming again at same time? I really don't want to get recast. #thecontinuitystruggleisreal 

People asking me why I haven't been in anything big or "where is the money?" Ummm hello! That's what I'm aiming for but it ain't that simple! #thepridestruggleisreal

Having to work extra hours to pay for things. Ugh. (Of course I'm very grateful I'm able to do this but sometimes, just, ugghh!!) Headshots and classes are expensive! And I still haven't been able to save that friggin' $3000.00 to join SAG though I've been eligible for years. I get close, but something always comes up and this year I am determined to not put anything on credit. #thefinancialstruggleisreal

Not having an agent yet. #therepresentationstruggleisreal 

Not having booked my first national commercial or co-star role on a network tv show. #thestruggleisreal

Having to get up early when I want to sleep till noon!! #thenotamorningpersonstruggleisreal

Wanting to do fun things but then remember I need that money for all my actor things. #thestruggleisreal 

Wanting to do fun things but then remember I have a shoot the next day and I need to look fresh. #theimnotaspringchickenanymorestrugglesisreal 

Having to post updates and successes regularly on social media to show that I'm relevant since I'm not famous yet, but it still makes me squirm. #thedontwanttolooklikeanarcisiststruggleisreal 

Feel like I'm less than because I don't aspire to be on Broadway. (Although my background is in theatre.) #theyourenotarealactorifyoudontdotheatrestruggleisreal  

Feel like I'm less than because I'm not a triple threat. #thecompetitonstruggleisreal 

Yet another anniversary approaches at my day job. While I'm proud of the company I work for, the goal is always to be able to make a living with acting only. #thedayjobstruggleisreal #8years 

Not being an outgoing person yet having to build this business. #theintrovertstruggleisreal

I just want to be at home all the time; cozy, comfy, and cuddling with my husband and cat. #thehomebodystruggleisreal 

So there you have it, the struggle is really real. And I feel as though it goes deeper than a struggle this time. I've had thoughts and feelings of giving up on my dream that I've never ever felt before. And this phase has lasted longer than it ever has. If you've read my posts you know I always end on a positive note or give myself a solution or goal to sort my issue. I don't have much to say this time but just know this...I wouldn't be writing this if I had given up. I wouldn't be getting new headshots this week if I had given up. And I for sure wouldn't be working extra hours at my day job to pay for a new acting class if I had given up. For awhile I'm gonna make smaller goals for myself each day so I don't get overwhelmed, depressed, or burnt out. Like for instance, my acting related goals for Monday were simply to start this article and share two posts on social media. I'm hoping that strategy will eventually bring me back up to full speed. What else can I do? I love acting. 


But alas, I press on. 

(Cast, crew, and supporters of the short film I was in, Robin, at the Winter Film Awards Film Festival in NYC last weekend. Even fun things like this I have to push myself to attend lately. I'm so glad I did. To me it was another small victory and sparked some inspiration in me.)