Letting Go of Fear; My Biggest Confession Yet as an Actress

I'm writing this post in hopes of letting something go so I can move forward in my acting. I have a confession; I'm afraid of getting an agent or a manager. Yep. I'm a weirdo. It's so hard for me to admit that, because it is a step in any actor's career that eventually becomes necessary in order to reach the next level. Getting representation is something every actor strives for, works for, and yearns for. It is a milestone that can open doors. And yet, I am afraid. And that fear is holding me back. What am I so scared of?  I'm scared of someone else being in control. I'm scared of having a new relationship that I have to build. I do care deeply for people but I am not the best at actually nurishing my relationships. It's very easy for me to wrapped up in my own little world and I've mentioned before that I am very much an introvert. And in a professional relationship there are many do's and don'ts. (Btw, I hesitate to use the word "introvert" because it's the trendy thing nowadays but I fit the description in almost every sense. Also I'm glad there is now awareness for those who can relate.) 

I'm also afraid because since I put my faith in God above all, I have many restrictions in regards to things I can do even though I'm "acting." Like, how can I meet with someone whom I want to represent me, and then say, "I won't do this, I won't do that, bla bla ba..." My fears have kept me from attending industry workshops or really trying to get representation. But I'm tired of this fear holding me back. I have to take risks and step out on faith. Good thing that I am weak but He is strong. 

A Whole Month Without an Audition?!! Really?!

I realized last night that my last audition was about a month ago; 30 days to be exact. Luckily, I did get that part, but we are done filming. I am submitting like crazy as usual but no one is biting, which leaves me a lot of extra time to work on this blog. I have to do something to fulfill my creative side after all. This always seems to happen after I get new headshots. I get so excited that my new pics are way better than before and that means I will get more responses. It should work that way but let me tell you it doesn't always. The only thing I can do is stay confident that something will happen soon. In the mean time I have new footage I can add to my reel, I can find a showcase for a casting director I'd like to audition for, and I can practice monologues. It also gives me extra energy to focus on things that I sometimes forget I like; doing makeup for example. So until I get that next call or email I am going to choose to stay happy and focused. I will find other outlets for my creativity. I just hope I can stay this positive each day until I get one of those glorious responses. And I also hope that it is normal to sometimes go this long without getting called in for anything.

The Basic Steps to Start Your Acting Career

I'm sure by now you've read blogs and articles and then more blogs about how acting is not the glamorous profession that you think it is. I'm sure you've read how you have to put in years of working without getting paid and that if you are in this business to be famous, then you are in the wrong business because only a tiny, tiny percentage of actors are well known. Well, all that is true. Pursuing a career in acting is a full time job all in itself. So along with the day job you will have to work in order to pay the bills, you will feel sometimes as if you are working two full time jobs. And if acting is the only work that really fulfills you, it will be very hard for you to enjoy working your survival job. (I have a great job doing makeup for a cosmetics line that I love, but the more acting I do, the less makeup artistry and selling satisfy me.)

Basically, the point is that all the articles you have read about acting are true. But there is hope. If everything you have heard about acting doesn't make you reconsider your choice to pursue it and you feel determined AND you are not afraid to invest a lot of money into it, then maybe you should go for it. Remember nothing is impossible. Meaning, some actors do make it big. Or at least are able to make their living from it even though they aren't famous. So why not you? (And why not me, for that matter?) So here is my version of the quintessential "getting started in acting" article. I think it is overwhelming to try to get started in this business. Heck, it feels overwhelming to write this post because there are so many things that need to be done and tips to share. But I feel there are a few basics that can get you started in the right direction. As always, I am bringing my personal perspective and experience to each step. I do not pretend to be a star (yet!) and yes, I do work still work a day job, but I have had some small successes in this business and I am not gonna give up!

Also, I want to quickly mention that you can begin no matter where you live. That way when it is time to move to a bigger city, which will probably eventually need to happen, you will be more prepared.

Step #1-Funding: I think the first thing you need to have is to have a day job that you enjoy. A job where you will be able to attend auditions (and look for auditions) and make enough money to pay for headshots, classes, casting sites, etc. A job where if you have to step away and check an email, return a call, or quickly check the latest casting notices, it won't be that big of deal. Acting is your business and requires your complete attention to make it work. Believe me, I try not to do anything to draw negative attention to myself at my survival job but if I need to check my email I will tell my co-workers and step away. I always remind myself that acting comes first. And by the way, having a good attitude goes a long way with your bosses. If you are always positive and have a good work ethic they are usually a little more flexible with you. So, at least pretend like you care. The bottom line is that you need to make enough money to take care of yourself (and family if need be) as well as enough to start your acting business.

The rest of the steps don't necessarily need to be done in any particular order, but they do need to be done in order for you to get a good start. Focusing on one or the other first will depend on your personal timing, comfort level, and budget. In general, I think the following steps can/should all be done around the same time if you are completely ready and absolutely itching to jump right into this career.

Step #2-Headshots: I was going to list finding a good class as number two but I'm going to put getting great headshots ahead of that and here's why: you can audition for many films without training and experience. Just look on Craigslist or Mandy.com. There are many filmmakers just getting started and will actually state in the ad that its okay if you don't have experience. In fact, some will state that they actually prefer no experience as they are learning as well. Some will even just require a regular picture not a pro headshot. These include student filmmakers and those who are experimenting with their first work. They just ask that you be professional and passionate. This way you can at least start auditioning, getting the hang of submitting to castings, making connections, start gaining experience on set, and building your resume. I also want to add that I don't think you have to spend a lot of money on your first set of headshots unless you really have the extra money. You can find deals on Craigslist. Just be sure to look at the photographer's website and google them to find any possible reviews. If you do find a class before you get your photos done your school can probably refer you to someone professional.

Along the same lines, I think getting business cards with your current headshot and contact info is a great idea. Use Vistaprint . It's easy, quick, and inexpensive. Order the glossy finish; to me it makes your cards look more professional and of a higher quality. Of course, keep it simple. Here's my current business card:

I don't think postcards are necessary quite yet. (And when you get them, I would get them at your print shop. I found Vistaprint a little confusing for these. Maybe you will understand how their design program works though, so you may want to try.) I think postcards are good once you have something specific (meaning a reel, a play, a new role, an update, etc) to show casting directors. Postcards are for building relationships with industry professionals AFTER you have met them at a workshop or audition.

Step #2b-Resume: Put together your resume. Nice. Neat. Don't lie. If you think you don't have anything worthy to list, I bet that's not true. Put any theater programs you took in school or any plays you did,even if they were part of a class. If you were stage manager or production assistant or even in the chorus, list it. Those things show that you have experience in the field at least. Put any plays you may have done in church. If you sung in the choir at church or school, list it. If you ever took dance, list it. Here is the link to my resume at NYCastings: Tiffany Browne-Tavarez Resume  (Focus on the format/content of the text, not the photos/video for the purpose of learning how to write your resume.)

If you really, really, really, have never done anything that's okay. Just make it look professional and make sure your contact info and physical stats are accurate. A decent headshot and a good cover letter will go a long way when submitting to castings. Once you have started taking classes, be sure to list them under training.

Step #3-Training/Classes: You definitely want to get into some classes or workshops with teachers that have good reputations. You can find something no matter what your price range is. I would even recommend taking a seminar that is geared towards helping actors get started in the biz. If you are in NYC, I know that often these types of seminars are free or low cost.

If you have time and want to spend money on a conservatory program and believe that that type of training is best for you then go for it. You will be able to learn technique, character development, and scene breakdown. If you have never tried acting on any level, maybe this is the way to go. I personally did not take this route so I cannot say anything for or against it. But to me, I think when you are just getting started you should take more affordable classes until you have a clear idea of what you want. And I don't really believe that for film or commercials (especially commercials) you need conservatory training. For theater, yes, because that is the first thing that casting looks at. But for camera work you can find shorter classes that get straight to the point and allow you to just act and learn without over complicating things. You can find classes that are only one-three weeks in length or classes that are 8-12 weeks in length. You can take classes at studios where there are many teachers, or you can take different classes all taught by the same coach. Again it depends on your needs and what is gonna make YOU a better more fulfilled actor.

The best thing you can do is audit classes that you are interested in. Many coaches offer free seminars and classes to promote their teaching. When I took a few classes at Terry Schreiber Studios in NYC--which is a studio I would highly recommend--there was a free meet and greet with the teachers before you chose which classes you wanted to sign up for. Also try to look for instructors who have actual acting experience. If they are currently still acting, even better.

My Training History: I have relatively little training considering how long I have lived in the NYC area and how long I have been acting. I was in the Theatre program in high school and I did plays for class. Then I started doing community theater. All that went on my resume. When I moved to New York, I started with background work. And yes, I listed it on my resume until I got speaking roles. My first speaking role on camera was one line in a trailer that I never saw and have no idea what happened to it. My second on camera part was in a silent student film, and once again I never heard anything about it after filming. I have built up my resume, experience, and connections little by little. I have taken a few classes since moving to New York, but mostly my talent has been honed on set or at home studying my characters. Honestly--and I'm not necessarily proud of this--I am not usually enrolled in a class. Maybe my way is unconventional and maybe it takes more time than intensive studying. Or maybe I'm on to something here. I really don't know. But it works for me. I do believe in continued classes and coaching, in fact there is a class starting in March that I am hoping to take. But I think being on set is more important. Actually, several times I have decided to take certain classes only to be cast in a part that would keep me from attending. I mean, what's a girl to do? Decide for yourself what is right!! And remember, I did at least have a substantial background in theatre when I moved here.

Step #4-Get Experience: Start submitting and auditioning!! Audition for everything including student films. It's free to search Craigslist and Mandy.com. In fact, Mandy.com is not only free to search, but you can upload your headshot and resume and submit directly to the projects listed on the site for free as well. Another free casting site--at least for basic membership--is Talent Pages. Build your experience by using these sites. When you are ready, then you can pay the fees to join Actors Access, NYCastings, and/or Casting Networks.

Along the same lines, try to get on set somehow even if that means starting out with background work. You shouldn't list background work on your resume unless you have no other on camera experience whatsoever. Until you get speaking roles at least this will show you have been on set. But be honest and make it clear on your resume that you were an extra and don't try to exaggerate it. Once you start getting even one line roles in even student films take off the background work. And when working as background, pay attention to EVERYTHING!! If you are able to, watch the principle actors. Learn the lingo and the roles of each crew member. Learn about marks and lighting and sound. Take it all in. The set itself and how the shot is carefully created is one of the most exciting things about this business.

Step #5-Get Good: Work on your craft at home. Find monologues, screenplays, plays, commercial copy and practice them. Practice them different ways. Practice them in front of the mirror. Record yourself on your phone or webcam performing something and then watch it back. Learn what you do well and what habits show up too much on camera and may need to change. If you are brave enough yet, post your videos online and get feedback.

So, to me those are the main actions you need to take in order to get started in acting. But before I end this post I want to give a few tips to ponder that will help carry you through each phase of your career.

BIG Tip #1: If you are just beginning, don't worry about trying to get an agent or joining the union. Just get experience and build your connections.

BIG Tip#2: Use everything you learn to your advantage but at the same time find your own path.

BIG Tip #3: Don't compare yourself to any other actor. And don't compare your career to any other actor's either. I know this is easier said than done and we all struggle with it from time to time (yes, I'm guilty okay!), but when it happens check it quickly so you don't lose focus.

BIG Tip #4 : Just be your charming self when meeting with industry professionals.

BIG Tip #5: DON'T GIVE UP!! Of course, if this is what you really want no one should have to tell you that. Because if this is what you really want then you will never care what any one else thinks. You will chase this dream no matter what; whether you eventually catch it or chase it your whole life. If this is what you really want, you will not put any limits on pursuing it. Meaning you will not say "if I don't get an audition in a few months, I will go back to what I really went to school for," or "if I don't make it by the time I'm 36 years old, I will give up." Don't get me wrong, I understand that dreams may change as we age, and I also think that some dreams we have may never be fulfilled. You may even have to sacrifice one dream to obtain another. So always listen to God, follow your heart, and choose wisely.

Well, that's it. Those are the basic steps (according to me anyways) to take in order to get started in an acting career. Once you start to gain experience, if you remain consistent, you will naturally add in steps like branding yourself, attending industry showcases, utilizing social media, getting postcards, and forming a reel just to name a few. But at the very beginning you don't need to get caught up in or worry about not having those things.

After reading this post, I hope you are feeling encouraged and not overwhelmed. I hope that if acting is your one true passion you will be able to put some of these steps into action and I wish you the best. If you think I left any thing out, or you want to share something from your journey, please leave a comment. Thanks so much for reading!!!:)

Acting vs Day Job: Making the Leap of Faith from Full-time to Part-time

I am about to take a big step in my life in an effort to take my acting career to the next level; I am about to go from a full-time position at my day job to a part-time position. That's right folks. It is time and things are set in motion. I've been preparing for this and praying over it for a few months now. This isn't just some spontaneous decision.

I am super excited. My days will be open for auditioning and searching for auditions (the position consists of night shifts). And I will have a WHOLE extra day open for any possible acting job. I feel like not only will this help me to be more dedicated to acting, but I will also be able to be more focused at my regular job. I mean, less hours equals more energy right? Really though, I am tired of going into work and not being able to focus on my tasks because I am thinking about how much I need to step away ASAP and check Actors Access.

But I'd be lying if I said I am not anxious about this change, or even a little nervous. In my head I have gone over and over how much money I need to make in order to pay my half of the bills each month. I should be fine. I will just have to really cut down on dry cleaning and Starbucks. (I love getting my clothes dry cleaned: they come back looking brand new.) But the key word is should. This transition being still a few weeks away, I really don't know what it's gonna be like and that makes me nervous.

Of course, the goal is to get more paid acting work to help balance out the difference in income. I especially want to break into commercials this year, and when you are called in to audition for one, it is usually the next day. I don't feel comfortable meeting with commercial agents and casting directors if I know my daily work schedule will be an issue. Now I will be free to do more networking.

But what if I don't get any auditions? What if I get lazy with the extra time? Even though I get acting work pretty consistently right now, what if right when I have more time for it all of it ironically stops for me? These are all questions going through my mind at the moment and gripping me. Or rather they are fears.

That realization hit me while writing this post. These questions are fears. And I do not live my life according to fears. Yes, wondering whether or not you will be able to pay your bills is a valid concern, but when you are feeling the tug to do something, and the opportunity presents itself, you can not let questions and fears and the "what ifs" stop you. I have peace deep down, deeper than any emotion or feeling, that this is right thing for me at this moment.

Maybe I won't book anything for months. That happens. But I can't imagine that I will get lazy when it comes to making this career happen. (Hopefully not anyways; after all, I am not perfect.) I've come so far in the past couple of years. I know it won't be easy, but I feel that as long as I keep doing what I've been doing I should continue to move forward.

Truly Embracing "Being" an Actress in 2013

Since about the end of November 2012 I have been telling everybody that I have a such a good feeling about 2013. And I do. I really feel that my acting career will reach a more professional level this year. Do I know exactly what that means? Well, no. I don't know if it means I will book a SAG indie film role, or maybe a local/regional/national commercial, or maybe even get a commercial agent, or hopefully all three. Or maybe something even bigger will happen. I just don't know. The things I listed are definitely my three big goals for this year. That much I can say. Of course, to accomplish those things I'm gonna have to step up my game a bit. Luckily I happen to have a plan;). Below are some things I am going to start doing this next year--in addition to auditioning, classes, showcases--to make sure I connect to every possible opportunity available to me in 2013. As you will see, a lot of it for me this year will be about "being" an actress.

#1) I will choose quality and be patient; never again will I look for the best "deal" when it comes to head shots, marketing tools, and classes. From now on I will only choose products and services that are good quality, actor recommended, and that truly fit my wants and needs. That means I will be spending more money but that's okay. When you are just getting started I do think its okay be more thrifty in your choices. The key is to know yourself and understand where you are in your career. For me, I have been consistently working in projects for the past two years, started booking paid jobs towards the end of 2012, and I am now SAG-AFTRA eligible. Because of those reasons I now feel justified in spending more money on head shots and printing then I have in the past. Of course this step may require patience too as it may take longer to save up the money needed; which isn't a bad thing as we should be thoughtful when choosing things for our careers.

I already put this new philosophy into practice when getting new head shots done last week and I have never been happier with my photos. It took months for the photographer and I to work out a weekend to get it done (she lives in a different state than me) but I knew she was the one I wanted so I chose to wait. It was worth the time and the money. Her prices are very reasonable to begin with but I still paid more than 3x what I paid for my last two head shot sessions. The difference in quality is amazing. Don't get me wrong; my previous head shots weren't bad at all and they certainly served me well for awhile. But my new photographer was able to capture my personality and essence whereas the previous one took pretty generic photos. The photos also just look better quality and she really knew what she was doing.

#2) I will be a social media butterfly this year. I started this step last year but I need to be more consistent. I want to update and share my Facebook page more, tweet more, connect with more like minded professionals, and be as attentive as possible to those who make an effort to connect with me.

I have to say I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE Twitter. I love following other aspiring actors and creative professionals. I love getting constant advice directly from casting directors. I love that even a few casting directors have followed me back. I love getting emails that tell me I have new followers. And I love sharing my acting updates to so many people at once and getting support back. (And I used to think the whole concept of Twitter was absolutely silly. Guess the joke's on me. Hahahaha.)

I know that being on Twitter doesn't make me a better actress. And I don't think using social media is necessary in order to be successful. In fact many a-list actors I would like to follow aren't even on twitter and if they are they don't update that often. But these days for someone who is trying getting there name out there it might put you a step ahead of those on your level. I'm not only speaking of the professional connections, possible opportunities, and the sharing of one's brand, which are invaluable, but I am also speaking of the way a person feels when sending a tweet. Here's my theory. What we love about posting on twitter or Facebook is that we are reaching a large audience all at once of people who are supporting you, right? Admit it: when you are updating that status don't you feel a wee bit like a celebrity? Okay, I get that I am far from being famous but sending a tweet kind a makes me feel like I am. And I truly believe in the concept of "fake it till you make it." That feeling is quite encouraging. Again, it's all about fully embodying the life of a professional known actor and not just hoping to become one.

Here are a couple of great articles that really encouraged me when I decided to start using twitter. If you have been fighting the urge to tweet but still aren't sure if it even matters take a look:
http://marciliroff.blogspot.com/2012/12/why-actors-need-to-get-on-twitter.html
http://unscripted.backstage.com/2011/07/why-actors-should-join-twitter.html

#3) I will work on my craft more between acting jobs and classes. I have been very blessed the past couple of years in that I have consistently been acting in projects, but I know I need to hone my skills more during the down time. For instance, I should work on my monologues even if I don't need one for an upcoming audition. I would like to start making videos of some that I have chosen so I can play them back for study and post them for feedback.

#4) I will be more conscience of my health and appearance. Meaning I will work out more, eat healthier, and dress like a star:)

And:

#5) Sometime in the next couple months I will hopefully be switching from a full time position at my day job to a part time position. Let's face it; the more acting I do, the less and less happy I am at my job. If I am going to take my career to the next level, I need to be fully available during the day to audition for the bigger paying acting jobs. "The greater the risk, the greater the reward" and it is time for me to take that next step. Yes, this decision makes me a little bit nervous, but I know in my heart it is the right thing and that God will provide.

So all that being said, hopefully by the end of the year I will be posting all the great new things I accomplished for my career:) I feel good about what I want to see happen this year and I think my goals are reasonable for where I am currently.

Thank you for reading and I wish all of you many blessings in your life and careers during 2013. Please feel free to post what plan on doing differently this year and what you would like to accomplish; I would love to know:)

Also, if you wish, please follow me by email, or here by clicking "join this site." It is much appreciated!!!

God Bless!!

Using Craigslist to Find Acting Work, A Do or Don't?

I've noticed there is a bit of controversy about actors using Craigslist to find auditions and gigs. For as long as I have been auditioning in NYC I have used Craigslist to look for acting work. It always surprises me when I hear from instructors that actors should NEVER use Craigslist and I am especially surprised when I hear from actors themselves that they will never use this site to look for opportunities. If you are union, I completely get it (although I have seen a few indie SAG projects listed). But I've heard this from non union actors. Many actors feel that there are absolutely no legit acting jobs posted on Craigslist. That the auditions listed are scams, or no budget projects where you will be treated horribly and get you nowhere.

Well, I am here to speak in favor of using Craigslist to find acting work. It IS true that in order to get to the good jobs you have to sift through the many, many, many ads for porn and the such, but there are a few legit jobs listed in the midst of the trash. I promise. If you find even one diamond in the rough even once in a while you never what kind of career boost it could lead to.

My case in point:

1)The summer before last I applied to an ad (on Craigslist) calling for actors for a indie horror film being shot in Long Island. Well, I sent my reel and got cast for a small speaking role without even having to audition. It was a great dramatic role. That film had a premiere at TriBeCa Film Center in SoHo and opened to sold out showings in a few theaters around the country. The film played in Europe, got some great reviews, and is now available to purchase on DVD through Best Buy, Amazon, and other sites. I actually received a starring credit in the opening of the film and on many of the posters which were posted in several public places. That film is "Purification" by Joe Ciminera. Working in that film led to me acting in Joe's next two films and I'm hoping to continue working in his future film endeavors. While working with Joe, I met James Terriaca who is writing/directing an epic indie zombie movie called "Apex Rising." Well Jim (James) decided to give me a chance with a part in his film and my character has become one of the more major characters in the film. I was definitely not expecting that. I have made several other valuable connections while working in these films.

2) A few months ago, I booked a role in an episode of the true crime docudrama "True Crime with Aphrodite Jones" through Craigslist. Yes, Craigslist. Apparently it was also listed on Actors Access (which i do use) but I saw it on Craigslist. I was cast as a detective in the upcoming season's finale episode. This was a speaking/ improv role (although I know on these shows you sometimes don't really hear the dialogue, depends on which one it is) and it was paid. The show plays on Discovery ID.

3) I did a paid promo for an apt finding website.

Those are only a few opportunities but they were great ones and I found them all through Craigslist. There have been others as well.

Of course, you eventually learn which ads to ignore. Here is my quick guide to the Craigslist land of false promises:

1) Any ad that states you are auditioning for a principle role in film starring A-list celebrities. These are listed by scam agencies. A legit agent or known casting director only has access to these breakdowns and they aren't gonna advertise on Craigslist. If you are ready for those types of opportunities then the best thing you can do is attend CD/agent showcases.

2)Any ads calling for actors for a National Commercial for a known product where you will get paid a lot of money. Same thing as above.

You have to use your own judgment for the following but I tend to stay away:

3) An ad that says something like "actors needed, paid job" and lists no further details. Someone who is professional will list a few things about the job. Maybe what types they are specifically looking for, the characters, location/days, intention for finished product, info about the director/ crew etc, or maybe even links to their past work. It doesn't have to list ALL those things but at least something to give you the feeling that this may be a good production for you to work in.

4) An ad that doesn't even look professional at all. Meaning words are misspelled and there is no thought placed into the writing. If a headline reads "Need actros for flim" I wouldn't even open the link for obvious reasons. A quality production team who wants quality actors will make it known through their ad that they take pride in their work.

5) This one really bothers me- when it is stated that although you won't receive any compensation (this not only means money, it can mean transportation costs, food, exposure, IMDB credit, copy of the film for reel) whatsoever for your work, and although the crew/director has no prior experience, the shoot will be "tons of fun!" Well, of course acting and filmmaking are fun, but when fun is the ONLY thing promised I just envision a couple of teens shooting stuff with an iPhone. I'm sure this isn't usually the case, but it makes me feel as if this person has no intention of using this production to further their filmmaking career and that they won't even be using quality equipment. That being said, you may want to apply to an ad like this if you have never acted a bit in your life, and maybe don't even have a headshot yet, and you are literally just getting started. THEN maybe this could be a good opportunity for you.

The bottom line is use discernment but don't count out Craigslist completely. I have even seen a couple of reputable teachers advertise specials and showcases on this sight. And only use it as a supplement to Actors Access, NYCastings, Mandy, showcases, etc.

So, should you use Craigslist to search for legit acting jobs? Yes. Should you use caution and listen to your instincts before applying to a notice? Definitely yes. Remember, as aspiring actors (or artists of any kind) we should be constantly looking for every single possible opportunity to perform, share our art, network, and further our careers.

This is my opinion. Please feel free to post your opinions, comments, thoughts, or personal experiences about finding acting or any artistic work through Craigslist. Thanks! And thanks for reading. I look forward to your thoughts.

The Acting Blues Lifted....A follow up to last week's post

I realized yesterday while at work that I am truly grateful for those moments when I feel down.  I am truly grateful for the days when I go into work and feel depressed to be there.  Because in those moments a great determination arises within me.  I HAVE to be an actress.  I HAVE to make my living by acting.  To have anything less will just not satisfy.  I have a good "day" job (in quotes because I work retail and work till 9:45 two nights a week).  I work at a makeup counter and get to do makeovers and sell and make commission and I'm good at it.  But it doesn't compare to acting. Acting is my true passion.  And I believe that if you have a dream and God is leading you in that direction then you follow.  I also believe that you do what makes you happy and gives you peace no matter how impossible it seems.  Inner peace far exceeds those moments of frustration and feelings of wanting to give up.  Inner peace even exceeds moments of happiness.  So I really believe that one day I will make my living through acting only.  Not saying I'll be famous folks, just saying I won't have to work retail anymore.

Last week, I wrote that I hadn't been getting called to any auditions lately and that I wanted to get back into acting classes.  Well here is what went down this past week:

Monday night- I took that free class I mentioned taught by acting coach John Pallotta and it was awesome!! Can you believe I almost didn't end up going?!!  Luckily, my wonderful husband encouraged me to go and I'm glad I listened.  I can't even believe this class was free.  In two and a half hours, Mr. Pallotta covered monologues, film auditions, and commercials.  I learned so much.  His coaching style is honest and real.  At the same time, there is an ease about the way he pushes you to make something better.  I am definitely considering paying for the full course in the future, but while taking this class I realized that right now I want to take commercial classes specifically.

I already signed up for a commercial intensive on Tuesday the 4th with Jagger Kaye (CnC Studios). He is another great teacher and is also a successful actor.  Like  John Pallotta,  Jagger has that very honest, tough love teaching style.  I took this class last summer and thought I should take it again.  I can't wait.

Tuesday- I was supposed to film a promo, which was to be paid, and it never happened.  I don't know why.  I didn't hear anything else about it.  I was so bummed, but it happens.  It could have been for any reason.  Maybe they found another actress that they liked more:(

Wednesday- director Jim Terriaca called to give me my next shoot date for indie feature "Apex Rising. Yay!!! Cant wait!! Check it out-Apex Rising Examiner Article


Thursday- I did some background work for a film.  I really hate doing  background.  (I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it, or even that I'm too good for it, it just depresses me.) But for this job I got paid 75$ in cash at the end of a six hour shoot.  I was very grateful for that.  It was my day off anyway.

Which brings me to Friday and back to how depressed I was feeling as I clocked in at work yesterday.  Normally, I push through and get right to work.  Normally I choose to be happy while  I'm there and do my best.  After all, I'm grateful for this job.  But some days, like yesterday, it is such a challenge.  Some days it seems like I won't be able to get through the day.  And I feel like crying because I have to pretend with the managers that I actually care about things that I don't actually care about.  Of course  part of me does care because I hate to let anyone down and right now I need this job.  And  I like to do well and make my goals.

But if I always felt completely happy and satisfied with my day job, would I constantly be trying to take my acting career to the next level?  That's why I said earlier that I am actually grateful for these moments of "desperation."  I become fiercely determined.  Yesterday, within the first hour of being at work, I decided for sure that I would take a five week commercial class, by casting director Angela Mickey, that I had been debating over the last couple days.  I decided that even if I have to use what little money I have in my savings or pay for this class with my credit card, I will.  It starts Sept 10, which is short notice, so I'm waiting to hear back about any open spots.  If there are none, I will look for another commercial acting class as reputable as this one.

Maybe if I had gone into work yesterday feeling happy to be there I would still be debating whether or not to invest in this class.

In fact, I have made a commitment to attend at least one class, industry event, or showcase each week.

I didn't get called in for any auditions this week either.  But instead of panicking, I'm using this time to elevate myself as an actor.  This commitment will  inevitably lead to more opportunities. Hopefully.  It has to.

So let's see what happens;)

Links:
John Pallotta Acting Coach
Jagger Kaye CnC Studios Classes
Angela Mickey's Booking the Commercial Class via NYCastings

The Acting Blues aka No Auditions, No Bookings, No Nothing

Feeling blue....

I admit that I feel down if a day goes by in which I don't get emailed/called for an audition.  I feel down if I go more than a couple of weeks without booking a gig.  Whether it be a student film, a feature, a promo, paid or unpaid, anything.  I hate being like this.  When this sort of thing happens it doesn't  discourage me from my career; I won't let it.  I get how this business is.  It just makes me feel blue.   I am constantly checking my email.  It's obsessive.  Some days I will check it literally every 5 minutes or less!  I am addicted to my iPhone.  When I check and there is no news it saddens me.

This is craziness!!! I can rationalize in my head and know that I have come so far in the past year and a half.  I can rationalize that I work in something nearly every two-three weeks usually as a lead or supporting role.   And the last two things I did were paid.  (Not  much, but I was still excited.)  And this week, I am scheduled to shoot a promo video and that is also a paid job.  If I am not in a production or submitting myself for a production, than at least I am updating my resume, editing my reel, or lately, blogging and reading other actors' blogs.

So why do I feel so blue?  Why do I get like this?  Just because I go a couple, er, a few days without getting a response to one of the many of headshots I send out everyday?  Yes!!  And it's not good.  But I am trying to be honest and more personal with my blog so I want to write about this.

Maybe I get this way because I am an extremely impatient person. Although I know an acting career can take many years, I fantasize about the day when I will be able to go part time at my day job.  And then the day where I will be able to quit right away without even giving a notice because I landed a big part and am needed on set right away. Sigh:) When I do work in something, it is extremely hard to go to my regular job the next day and stay focused.

I am trying to work out these blues by writing this entry.  Maybe, I feel that everyday that goes by without an audition notice is a setback.  Or maybe it's because I like to be in control and with acting it sometimes feels like you are not in control at all. Which isn't true by the way. I have learned that you can have control in this business (mmmm sounds like a future blog post) and the things you can't control you just have to let go. Maybe it's because I am getting older.   I do wish sometimes that I pushed more for this career when I was younger.  But then maybe the best things in my life (meeting my husband being the very best one)  wouldn't have fallen into place correctly.  And I know this.  Or maybe my energy gets drained from working full time AND pursuing acting which in itself is basically a full time job.  And when I'm tired I can feel down.  I just can't wait for the day when I can put all my energy solely into my acting career.  I guess it is ALL these factors that lead to my feeling blue.

Don't worry.  This doesn't mean I'm depressed.  It doesn't mean I'm discouraged.  It doesn't mean that I have self pity and I certainly do not want pity from anyone else either.  I don't even need sympathy (although empathy is welcomed:)).  Everyone has their own things to deal with in life and this cannot compare to many of those things.

I am writing this to share the ups and downs I go through personally as an actor.  I am writing this so I can figure out a way to deal with this issue.  Yes, it has been a few days since anyone has called me in for an audition.  Well, what happens if one day I go for months without getting any responses?  I have heard of this happening to many actors and the thought scares me.  How will I handle that?

If this blog post seems all over the place, it is because I am brainstorming as I write.  I am trying to prepare myself for anything.  To come up a plan.  Figure what things I need to work on to get to the next level.

The basics are in check:

I'm happy with my current head-shots. They look just like me and say what I want them to say about me.

Film reel. Check. Commercial reel. Check. IMDB page. Check.

I'm happy about the casting opportunities that are made available to me even without an agent.  I'm good about submitting to castings constantly throughout the day.

I'm not stressed to join the union or even get an agent yet.

I'm pleased with the work I have done and the things I have learned with each experience.

But as I'm writing it is becoming crystal clear where I am lacking.  And this is something I have known for a long time.  The  two things I need to do more, especially in the down time, are take more classes and attend industry showcases.

I know.  Taking classes seems like a no brainer.  But I am going to admit that I haven't taken one in a while.  Like a year.  As I said, I'm trying to be honest and real here.  The thing with classes is that I am ten times more nervous in front of a teacher and fellow students then I am in front of a casting director or director.   I feel more comfortable, confident, and free at an audition, in front of someone whom I have never met, someone who could potentially give me my next part, then I do in class.  I don't know why.  That's just me.  I would rather learn from playing a lead role in a student film then by taking a class.  But I know classes are important.  And many are taught by casting directors so they are a great way to be seen by industry professionals.

All this being said, I am signed up for a free commercial class Monday night with acting coach John Pallotta.  Hopefully this will motivate me to take more classes.  I will let you know how it goes. Somehow writing this down makes me feel determined and empowered.

The other thing I mentioned was attending industry showcases.  Basically you can pay for a one-on-one interview/audition with top agents.  It's perfectly legit and a lot of actors find success this way. So why haven't I done this you ask?  I don't know.  I mean,  I'm pretty confident with all I have to offer this industry.  I just get very overwhelmed at deciding which ones to go too and sometimes feel like I don't know what I'm doing.

Which makes something else very clear.  I need to do more research on these people.   I think that will be my new thing starting this week.   I read an awesome blog last week written by casting director Bonnie Gillespie and she mentioned writing everything you learn about each casting director in a notebook.  So that's what I'm gonna do.  Buy a notebook and use this one strictly for notes on agents and casting directors.

Now I'm excited.  Now I feel better.  I feel proactive.  Because I've written this down I feel motivated to follow through these new ventures wholeheartedly.  And I feel it can only lead to positive things.

But I still need to practice patience:)