New Dramatic Monologue Work

Hey guys!! Please check out my latest monologue work and subscribe to my YouTube channel while you are there!! Thanks!!

https://youtu.be/w9y73R6qypY

#thestruggleisreal A Poem for Aspiring Actors, Artists, and Those Who Support Us

Had such a busy year last year and now I feel like I've hit a plateau and the next move is confusing in my mind. #thestruggleisreal 

I seem to have lost most or all motivation to do anything acting related. (Including writing this blog......sorry for the long absence.) #thestruggleisreal 

I feel like I'm always stuck. #thestruggleisreal

Goal deadlines come and go unmet causing feelings of depression. I'm hard on myself. #thestruggleisreal

Struggling with my belief/faith in God and His plan for my career. I know I cannot make it on my own. #thespiritualstruggleisreal

Seeing fellow actors reach milestones ahead of me isn't always easy. While I'm genuinely happy for them (each and every one of them deserve it,) I wish I could get there too. 

#thestruggleisreal

Being size 6 when other actresses at my level are size 0-2. I run, but I also love to eat darn it. (And with these hips I'd be happy being a four.) #thedietstruggleisreal

Feeling like I suck and that I'm the worst actress in the world and feeling like I don't deserve success. #theconfidencestruggleisreal

Projects I work in get postponed and some may never get restarted. Which really stinks if I've fallen in love with my character and the script. #thestruggleisreal 

Projects I work in get postponed and when they start up again my hair has to match each character. Like in one film my hair is much longer while in another it's short. What if we start filming again at same time? I really don't want to get recast. #thecontinuitystruggleisreal 

People asking me why I haven't been in anything big or "where is the money?" Ummm hello! That's what I'm aiming for but it ain't that simple! #thepridestruggleisreal

Having to work extra hours to pay for things. Ugh. (Of course I'm very grateful I'm able to do this but sometimes, just, ugghh!!) Headshots and classes are expensive! And I still haven't been able to save that friggin' $3000.00 to join SAG though I've been eligible for years. I get close, but something always comes up and this year I am determined to not put anything on credit. #thefinancialstruggleisreal

Not having an agent yet. #therepresentationstruggleisreal 

Not having booked my first national commercial or co-star role on a network tv show. #thestruggleisreal

Having to get up early when I want to sleep till noon!! #thenotamorningpersonstruggleisreal

Wanting to do fun things but then remember I need that money for all my actor things. #thestruggleisreal 

Wanting to do fun things but then remember I have a shoot the next day and I need to look fresh. #theimnotaspringchickenanymorestrugglesisreal 

Having to post updates and successes regularly on social media to show that I'm relevant since I'm not famous yet, but it still makes me squirm. #thedontwanttolooklikeanarcisiststruggleisreal 

Feel like I'm less than because I don't aspire to be on Broadway. (Although my background is in theatre.) #theyourenotarealactorifyoudontdotheatrestruggleisreal  

Feel like I'm less than because I'm not a triple threat. #thecompetitonstruggleisreal 

Yet another anniversary approaches at my day job. While I'm proud of the company I work for, the goal is always to be able to make a living with acting only. #thedayjobstruggleisreal #8years 

Not being an outgoing person yet having to build this business. #theintrovertstruggleisreal

I just want to be at home all the time; cozy, comfy, and cuddling with my husband and cat. #thehomebodystruggleisreal 

So there you have it, the struggle is really real. And I feel as though it goes deeper than a struggle this time. I've had thoughts and feelings of giving up on my dream that I've never ever felt before. And this phase has lasted longer than it ever has. If you've read my posts you know I always end on a positive note or give myself a solution or goal to sort my issue. I don't have much to say this time but just know this...I wouldn't be writing this if I had given up. I wouldn't be getting new headshots this week if I had given up. And I for sure wouldn't be working extra hours at my day job to pay for a new acting class if I had given up. For awhile I'm gonna make smaller goals for myself each day so I don't get overwhelmed, depressed, or burnt out. Like for instance, my acting related goals for Monday were simply to start this article and share two posts on social media. I'm hoping that strategy will eventually bring me back up to full speed. What else can I do? I love acting. 

#thestruggleisreal 

But alas, I press on. 

(Cast, crew, and supporters of the short film I was in, Robin, at the Winter Film Awards Film Festival in NYC last weekend. Even fun things like this I have to push myself to attend lately. I'm so glad I did. To me it was another small victory and sparked some inspiration in me.)

An Actress's Journey; 2015

It has been a crazy, wonderful, busy year so far. I just wanted to briefly post a few highlights since its been a while since I've blogged. I thought it would be easier and more interesting to make this a picture diary starting from January. So please enjoy!! And please note that many of the projects mentioned can be found on Facebook. Thanks!!

From the world premiere of Matt Hahn's feature film Tiger Lily, at Anthology Film Archives in downtown NYC. This is me with the film's main actress, Jackie Mulvaney. I loved playing Juniper in this suspense thriller.

A shot from the staged reading of Jade Bryan's pilot, The Two Essences. We performed at Treehouse Theatre in NYC.

Okay so these last two don't have anything to do with acting but the experience was unforgettable to me. The company I work for, Yves Saint Laurent Beauty, sent us all to Los Angeles for a training and it was amazing!! That was  my first time in California and it was everything I had imagined it to be. I loved hiking in Runyon Canyon Park! It was special too because not only did my team win an award, but I was personally recongnized in my company's national business planner for my work.

Me as Doctor Layla Green in the short sci-fi film "Robin," by Miguelina Olivares. The short is a teaser for what will very soon be made into a feature.

For the past few months I've taken on one of my greatest roles yet in the feature film, The Yearly Harvest. Written and directed by the accomplished Ryan Callaway, the film is based on his 2008 novel of the same name. I was blessed to land the leading role of Jin Madison, a journalist whose quest to discover the truth behind the origins of Christmas traditions leads her down a dark path. The book was republished this year with me as Jin on the front cover. How cool is that?! We wrapped filming a couple of weeks ago.

Had the pleasure of once again working with impressive director/filmmaker Matt Mahler in this year's 48hr Film Projcet.

Jade Bryan's The Shattered Mind has made it so far into 6 film festivals!! The pic from above was taken during the Manhattan Film Festival at the Players Theater in downtown NYC. I'm so proud to be a part of this film's journey!

Set pic from a TV show I recently began working in called Scriptless MD. I'm so happy to join the 2nd season. Like the title implies, the show is entirely improvised. The 1st season, known simply as Scriptless, is currently airing on a couple of local channels in New York.

Quick selfie I took on set of the short film, "Mr. Suit," which I shot recently on Rossevelt Island. I loved how makeup artist Jodi King did my hair and makeup.

So that's a brief glimpse into my 2015 thus far. I have a few more projects coming up and I can't wait to share those as well!! 

Exhausted but Happy; Prep and Shooting for Venial

I am just feeling so incredibly blessed after my shoot yesterday for director Joe Ciminera's newest film, Venial. We shot the trailer as well as some of the film itself. I am also feeling incredibly exhausted, as the night before the shoot I worked a full (7.5hr) shift at my survival job--a closing shift no less--and had to be up at 6am to travel to Long Island for the shoot. I was so excited and anxious that I got about 5 min of sleep. The fact that I had foam curlers in my hair didn't help. After filming, I got home and to bed pretty late and had to be at work early today. But of course it was worth it. What an amazing shoot it was. This is one of those actor moments in which I feel on top of the world and so grateful. 

I found out only a week and a day before the first shooting day that I would actually be taking on the leading role in this film. I couldn't have been more thrilled. And so the preparation began. And one of things I mean by that is I had to learn how to do a British accent. (Or more accurate, an English accent, but here I will continue to use the term "British" as that is the typical word used to describe an English accent.) I've always kinda of played around with the accent (quite a lot actually) but I've never had to use it for a role, although I have been waiting for an opportunity. American actors are often criticized for their British accents not sounding authentic and I wanted to do whatever possible to prevent that from happening. The dialogue in Joe Ciminera's film are improvised (with a few exceptions), so with no lines in particular to practice, I especially had to learn how to speak the accent accurately. In short, the steps I took to learn were: first, reading general how-to's and tips, followed by watching instructional videos, then watching interviews with British actresses, and of course watching movies. Anna Karenina with Kiera Knightley was on a lot so watched that one a few times. I also recorded myself than listened to see what was good and what needed work. When I see the footage from Venial, if my accent comes out decent, I may do a more detailed post about it. Let's see though!!

So that has taken a lot of my focus for the past week. I also was responsible for my own wardrobe. After all, this is an indie film. But Joe's films have been decent exposure for me so far and I genuinely enjoy working with him, so I really didn't mind. The time period for the film is 1917. My character is a devout Christian woman whose husband dies in WW1 which drives her to the dark side. I try to never rent from a costume store. I haven't played a character yet where I haven't been able to come up with something myself from researching and shopping at thrift stores. Although this character has been the most difficult to dress. At least it seemed that way at first. Once I found inspiration (Downtown Abbey), that helped me a lot. Around this time, women were beginning to dress more modern. So I wanted to incorporate some signs of the time but also keep it conservative as my character is a hard-core Catholic who probably is not super trendy for that time. The big trends from that time which I incorporated were a hemline about mid-calf showing white wool stockings and shoes with a small curved heel. I have to say, I had so much fun perusing thrift stores in Manhattan, Brooklyn, and Jersey. I think I did pretty well. I also had to figure out how to do my hair and makeup. 

                           

                             

     (Just a few of the wardrobe options.

         Minus the glasses of course!)

Even though the dialogue is being improvised and I was unsure of which scenes we would be filming the first day, I knew enough about my character to mentally prepare. Basically, I came up with lines beforehand which would hopefully work for each situation. Then, I practiced them over and over and over with the British accent. I was very happy that I got to use almost every line I came up with during the shoot on Thursday. I also mentally prepared myself to deal with all the heavy emotions I would have to show. It's hard to explain how I do this. I just let myself feel each emotion deeply and, well, practice. 

So, yeah, all that prep work combined with my survival job has made me a wee bit fatigued. If my punctuation is off in this post even more than usual that's why. But I'm feeling so satisfied about how well the shoot went. I'm so grateful to work continuously with Joe, his crew members, and this amazing group of actors that he has put together. It's a bonus to be on set and work with people who you have come to know and like. I can't wait to finish the film. As of right now, I'm feeling blissful. Hopefully I will still feel this way after I see my performance in the film on the big screen.  Because sometimes, your work doesn't translate to screen like you expected (to put it gently). Like I said earlier, let's see!!! ;-)

                  (Hair and makeup)

    (Saint Josaphat's Monastery in Long

                Island where we shot.)

      

Supporting the Indie Projects You Have Acted In

So I've come across a new (for me) aspiring/struggling actor issue; what is enough when it comes to supporting all the indie projects you've worked in? By this statement, I mean a couple of things. The first is about wanting to support the films financially even though you are still a mostly always broke struggling actor. The second is about promoting your projects on social media and risking annoying people by constantly asking for their support and by constantly talking about your work.

When I speak about financially supporting the films you are involved in, I'm mostly referring to donating to fundraising campaigns like Indigogo or Kickstarter. I think both of these sites are a great idea. I love having the opportunity to to help get a film I've worked in produced, edited, or submitted to film festivals. The problem is that I am never able to give more than an average of $10.00-15.00. Even that amount can be pushing it at times for me. I have to admit that I usually feel guilty that I can't give more. But really, as struggling actors who may not even be getting paid for the project, is it necessary to donate? I wonder if directors really expect us to. And on top of that, if you are an actor, you probably have a lot of artist friends also involved in projects and you would like to show support to them as well. Kickstarter and Indigogo are fairly new, so this isn't something actors had to deal with a few years ago unless you were investing in or producing the project yourself. I feel like it is yet another expense to add to the list of many things we already have to invest in. It can also get a little stressful worrying about how much you should or can afford to give. Is it enough that you already gave your time, talent, and image?

Financial support can also mean purchasing the DVD of the film or any related merchandise. Are you obligated to do so? After all, aren't you expecting your friends and family to buy it? Shouldn't you light the way and show you really believe in the project and believe that it is worth the money? (Although to me it is very exciting to purchase a DVD of a movie which you were actually in.)

I personally feel it is important to try and give what you can. But keep in mind that most people probably understand that if you are an artist--and not yet known--you probably have limited funds available. And if you absolutely can't spare anything at the time, I don't think you should feel guilty. You will probably have a chance to donate at another time or show support in another way.

Which brings to me the second type of support I was talking about, sharing on social media. You know, asking friends, family, and followers to watch the trailers/clips, "like" the films's Facebook/IMDB pages, and also donate money. This is the quickest and easiest way to show your support for something you've worked in. But how do you give equal attention to each of your projects without getting on everyone's nerves? Especially while continuing to share your own personal things like reels, headshots, blogs (wink, wink). One thing I try to do is spread out the message over all the different sites and not necessarily at the same time. I may tweet it in the morning, and share it on Facebook in the afternoon. Or I may share something on Twitter much more often than I post the same info on Facebook. Sometimes it's one or the other and that's it. And don't forget Instagram, Tumblr, and Google+! Also, if it's my personal Facebook page I try not to push it too much and may not share every single thing I am working in; I share only things that are extra exciting. On a fan page though, people expect to hear all of your acting updates and news so you should post all of your projects there. I do fear coming across as obnoxious if I'm working in a lot at the moment, but I guess the bottom line is that I am an actress. Promoting my projects is part of what I do. A person can always choose if they don't wish to follow me any more or be friends. I think for the most part, those who really care like to see that you are working hard towards your dream.

These are just a couple more ways in which the industry has changed over the past few years. I think actors should embrace these opportunities as not only a way to support the film (that includes director, cast, crew) but also as a way to help get your own name out there. Unless it is a big budget Hollywood project, you donating even a small amount to a production or sharing it with your friends/connections may make a big difference in the life of a film.

When it Rains it Pours

I have learned to never get too upset or complain when you feel like things are going slow. Even when you feel like you are gonna go crazy if you go another day without getting any response from your casting submissions. If acting is truly want you want to do and you have faith and stay consistently working towards it things will always pick back up.

I recently went two and a half months exactly without getting any auditions. I was submitting everyday and definitely had moments when I was wondering what the heck was wrong with me. But I stayed the course and finally got asked to audition for a role in a NYU student production. It was for a small project- a scene to be filmed in the school's three camera TV studio. I've done a couple of these in the past, and they usually only take an hour or two to shoot. But the script was so much fun and I knew I could bring something to either of the two characters I was reading for. I decided to wholeheartedly audition for the production and just to have fun with it. I got the part!! Yes, a student production, but I have said before that sometimes it the smaller projects that really keep you going and give you an extra boost when things seem slow. The scene was comedic, and since I have done mostly dramatic roles, I really got a lot out of this part. And of course I met some amazing people along the way.

That was the middle of April. Since then, I have been blessed to have worked in several projects and have a couple of great ones in store for the next month. In the past month or so I have also worked in two web-series, a short film, and a NYU audio drama (got a nice clip from that to ad my VoiceOver reel). This upcoming month I will be working with a team for the 48hr Film Festival, and I booked a great supporting role in an indie comedy pilot. I'm also teaming up with a very talented director and another actor, also very talented, to work on a scene together that will be shot and posted on-line. Next weekend I will be attending the premiere party for Joe Ciminera's "The Library." AND I'm finally creating a YouTube channel featuring clips from the projects I've done. So needless to say I am currently busy, busy, busy. I thank the Lord for all of these opportunities and intend to enjoy this busy period while it while it lasts. :-)

The moral of this story? Of course: never give up, be patient, be persistent, be consistent, and have faith that the slow times are as much a part of the process as the busy times. If you choose to spend the slow times wisely, you will be overwhelmingly busy before you know it!

Please feel free to share with me your latest projects in the comments section!!

On the Upside of Acting Things....

I'm not gonna lie. Things in the acting world have been slow for me lately. Extremely slow. Unbearably slow. And it baffles me that of the many, many, many, submissions I have sent out over the past couple months, I haven't been asked to any auditions.

But even still, things are looking up. This past week proved to be fairly productive and I'm feeling my passion for acting being revved up. It really is amazing how seemingly small projects can get you excited about what you do.

First of all, the decision to go part time at my survival job so far has been a great one. I feel so much less stressed and I feel more like an actor now-not just a retail associate. And when I am at work, I actually enjoy it once again. Like, I love doing makeup and getting sales, and getting my Starbucks before starting my shift. I haven't felt that way about my day job in a long time. I actually feel healthier too because I don't have as much stress now. Yes, I will have to cut back on things financially but as long as I can pay my bills, feed my cat, and eat, I'm good. I feel it's best to live simply anyways. (I will be sure to treat myself to something fashionable once in a while of course.) But people can work so hard to make money and then one day have to spend it anyways on stress related health problems. I guess it comes down to what is best for you and your family and I do understand that not everyone is able to make the choice to work less hours.

Okay, back to this past week. I had a successful meeting with a very talented film director about possibly working in his upcoming feature. He is gathering a pool of talent and to start with he will direct and film me performing a couple of monologues which he has chosen. The videos are professionally done and afterwards are edited and placed online on his website. You guys don't even know how much this excites me. Now I have two awesome new monologues to work on the next couple of weeks, I have made a valuable new connection which will potentially lead to bigger things with this director, and this will also give me some added exposure. Sounds like a blessing to me.

I also feel very happy that I connected with the Community College Comedians about possibly doing an upcoming sketch with them. Everyone should definitely check them out. They are awesome!! Their comedy sketches are genuinely funny, original, professional, and refreshingly wholesome. It's hard to find all of those things nowadays. I totally respect and love what they do and am always happy to work with them.

And FINALLY I started editing my latest reel. That will be up soon. While going through footage, I realized I actually have a lot of good stuff to choose from. I realized too that instead of complaining about how slow things are for me right now, I should thank my Lord above for every single one of those opportunities. Sometimes, I get so focused on booking the next role, that I forget to be grateful for the ones I've already done.

Oooohh and one more thing....the episode I did of "I Killed My BFF" will air Monday April 1 on A&E Biography. That definitely encourages me to press forward and reminds me of how far I've come. And the preview looks so cool!!:)

So everything does seem to be looking up. All I, or you, can do is hang in there. Things always turn around if you are consistent and have faith. And you never know where an opportunity can come from so always keep your eyes and ears open. Also keep in mind that even though something may seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things, you never know where it could lead, or how it could strengthen you. So don't be too quick to overlook any offer even if you feel like you are too far ahead in your career to consider it. When things are slow, I don't think you can afford to anyways. But that's just me. :)

My Motivation Seems to be M.I.A. (Yikes!!)

What do you do when you seem to have lost all motivation to do anything? That is how I have been feeling recently. In my last post, I mentioned that I haven't had an audition in a while. I said that I would do things like edit my reel, blog more, yada yada yada. Well, I haven't done anything. I just don't feel like. Yes, I have been submitting to castings and all that everyday, but with no response. And also, when I do submit, I barely have the energy to write a nice note. Normally, I enjoy the entire process. Ugh!!! What is wrong with me?!!! I'm not saying I've lost my passion for acting and for pursuing acting--it's the only thing I want to do as my career-- but for the past couple of weeks I just haven't felt like doing anything to push it. I don't even feel like tweeting, or talking to people, or updating my Facebook. All I want to do is sleep. Or relax. I've only been responding to things when I absolutely have to.

I was off today and woke up planning to work on a new monologue, record it, then post it in a blog I'm working on about monologues. I didn't end up doing any of that. I didn't make all the connections I wanted to try to make on social media today either. Well, I did make a couple of pretty good ones, so that's a plus at least.

I hate that I am feeling this way right now, because this week I finally started working only part time at my day job. Now is the time that I am supposed to be working harder than ever towards my goal of being a successful actress. So I ask again, what is wrong with me?!!!

Am I putting too much pressure on myself? Or is it that I just have to adjust to my new daily routine? Did I get complacent because it seemed like for a bit I was booking every two weeks? Or maybe I need a break--a real break, more than a few days--from all the acting stuff to get reenergized? I don't know. I don't actually want to take a break. I just want a project, even just a small one, to get the passion juices flowing again. Is it normal to feel this way sometimes when it comes to pursuing your dreams?

I'm not giving up, but at the moment I feel tired. I guess I have to remind myself that I have gone through this before. It's been awhile though so maybe I've forgotten how it felt and that everything turned out okay. It always does get back to normal somehow. So I am going to publish this post, go to sleep, and have faith that I will have something positive to report soon.

God Bless!!:)

A Whole Month Without an Audition?!! Really?!

I realized last night that my last audition was about a month ago; 30 days to be exact. Luckily, I did get that part, but we are done filming. I am submitting like crazy as usual but no one is biting, which leaves me a lot of extra time to work on this blog. I have to do something to fulfill my creative side after all. This always seems to happen after I get new headshots. I get so excited that my new pics are way better than before and that means I will get more responses. It should work that way but let me tell you it doesn't always. The only thing I can do is stay confident that something will happen soon. In the mean time I have new footage I can add to my reel, I can find a showcase for a casting director I'd like to audition for, and I can practice monologues. It also gives me extra energy to focus on things that I sometimes forget I like; doing makeup for example. So until I get that next call or email I am going to choose to stay happy and focused. I will find other outlets for my creativity. I just hope I can stay this positive each day until I get one of those glorious responses. And I also hope that it is normal to sometimes go this long without getting called in for anything.

On Being Apart from My Family to Pursue Acting

One of the hardest things about pursuing your dream is that it often takes you far away from your family. I think this is the hardest sacrifice to make as an actor. Way harder than the financial burden on struggling artists. Now, I am very blessed that I have an amazing husband who supports me and loves me and he is my favorite person in the entire world to be with, but I miss my mom and dad and sister and brother and niece everyday. I get to see them on average twice a year. I always wish that they live a little closer to me (because obviously, I am not going back to VA). They are about an eight hour drive or train ride away from here. Which doesn't sound like much, but it is when you work AND have to be in town most of the time so that you don't miss an audition opportunity. A flight is only a couple hours, but usually costs around 400-600.00$ which I don't understand because it is much much cheaper for my husband to fly all the way to Florida to see his family. I cannot afford to pay that. I just can't. For those of you who move to a completely other country apart from your families, I admire you so much.

Of course, talking on the phone just doesn't cut it. I consider myself very close to my family, but I am just not a phone person. I don't know why. I always have trouble listening to the other person. Especially when I feel worn out from working all day. So, although I think I should call my mom every single day, it just doesn't happen. Because of that, I live for the week or two weeks a year I get to visit my family.

The problem is that as I am getting older, it gets harder and harder to say goodbye when my visit is over. The first time I moved out at the age of 20, I thought that saying goodbye would get easier with each trip. I couldn't have been more wrong. Each week I spend with them flies by so fast. My parents are getting older. My niece is pretty much growing up without me. I hate that. It breaks my heart. Sometimes, I even feel that I don't want to visit them because I know that the goodbye will be harder than it was the last time. I even regret starting this post because now I am starting to cry a little (I will be visiting them soon).

But as hard as it is to be away from family, I am right where I am meant to be and I am deeply fulfilled; deeply joyful (forgive me if that sounds too corny). As much as we love our families, sometimes our lives are meant to be lived apart from them. For those who are meant to live near your families, consider yourselves very blessed and lucky. Yes, I made the choice to leave Virginia and my family. Yes it is very hard, but I know if I stayed there in the long run I would be depressed, bored, and restless. I am so grateful that my entire family is supportive of my career and understands that I am where I am for a reason.

The only thing I can do is pray for a day when I can afford to visit them more often, and be thankful for and take in every moment I do get to spend with them. I love them so much.

Acting vs Day Job: Making the Leap of Faith from Full-time to Part-time

I am about to take a big step in my life in an effort to take my acting career to the next level; I am about to go from a full-time position at my day job to a part-time position. That's right folks. It is time and things are set in motion. I've been preparing for this and praying over it for a few months now. This isn't just some spontaneous decision.

I am super excited. My days will be open for auditioning and searching for auditions (the position consists of night shifts). And I will have a WHOLE extra day open for any possible acting job. I feel like not only will this help me to be more dedicated to acting, but I will also be able to be more focused at my regular job. I mean, less hours equals more energy right? Really though, I am tired of going into work and not being able to focus on my tasks because I am thinking about how much I need to step away ASAP and check Actors Access.

But I'd be lying if I said I am not anxious about this change, or even a little nervous. In my head I have gone over and over how much money I need to make in order to pay my half of the bills each month. I should be fine. I will just have to really cut down on dry cleaning and Starbucks. (I love getting my clothes dry cleaned: they come back looking brand new.) But the key word is should. This transition being still a few weeks away, I really don't know what it's gonna be like and that makes me nervous.

Of course, the goal is to get more paid acting work to help balance out the difference in income. I especially want to break into commercials this year, and when you are called in to audition for one, it is usually the next day. I don't feel comfortable meeting with commercial agents and casting directors if I know my daily work schedule will be an issue. Now I will be free to do more networking.

But what if I don't get any auditions? What if I get lazy with the extra time? Even though I get acting work pretty consistently right now, what if right when I have more time for it all of it ironically stops for me? These are all questions going through my mind at the moment and gripping me. Or rather they are fears.

That realization hit me while writing this post. These questions are fears. And I do not live my life according to fears. Yes, wondering whether or not you will be able to pay your bills is a valid concern, but when you are feeling the tug to do something, and the opportunity presents itself, you can not let questions and fears and the "what ifs" stop you. I have peace deep down, deeper than any emotion or feeling, that this is right thing for me at this moment.

Maybe I won't book anything for months. That happens. But I can't imagine that I will get lazy when it comes to making this career happen. (Hopefully not anyways; after all, I am not perfect.) I've come so far in the past couple of years. I know it won't be easy, but I feel that as long as I keep doing what I've been doing I should continue to move forward.

Truly Embracing "Being" an Actress in 2013

Since about the end of November 2012 I have been telling everybody that I have a such a good feeling about 2013. And I do. I really feel that my acting career will reach a more professional level this year. Do I know exactly what that means? Well, no. I don't know if it means I will book a SAG indie film role, or maybe a local/regional/national commercial, or maybe even get a commercial agent, or hopefully all three. Or maybe something even bigger will happen. I just don't know. The things I listed are definitely my three big goals for this year. That much I can say. Of course, to accomplish those things I'm gonna have to step up my game a bit. Luckily I happen to have a plan;). Below are some things I am going to start doing this next year--in addition to auditioning, classes, showcases--to make sure I connect to every possible opportunity available to me in 2013. As you will see, a lot of it for me this year will be about "being" an actress.

#1) I will choose quality and be patient; never again will I look for the best "deal" when it comes to head shots, marketing tools, and classes. From now on I will only choose products and services that are good quality, actor recommended, and that truly fit my wants and needs. That means I will be spending more money but that's okay. When you are just getting started I do think its okay be more thrifty in your choices. The key is to know yourself and understand where you are in your career. For me, I have been consistently working in projects for the past two years, started booking paid jobs towards the end of 2012, and I am now SAG-AFTRA eligible. Because of those reasons I now feel justified in spending more money on head shots and printing then I have in the past. Of course this step may require patience too as it may take longer to save up the money needed; which isn't a bad thing as we should be thoughtful when choosing things for our careers.

I already put this new philosophy into practice when getting new head shots done last week and I have never been happier with my photos. It took months for the photographer and I to work out a weekend to get it done (she lives in a different state than me) but I knew she was the one I wanted so I chose to wait. It was worth the time and the money. Her prices are very reasonable to begin with but I still paid more than 3x what I paid for my last two head shot sessions. The difference in quality is amazing. Don't get me wrong; my previous head shots weren't bad at all and they certainly served me well for awhile. But my new photographer was able to capture my personality and essence whereas the previous one took pretty generic photos. The photos also just look better quality and she really knew what she was doing.

#2) I will be a social media butterfly this year. I started this step last year but I need to be more consistent. I want to update and share my Facebook page more, tweet more, connect with more like minded professionals, and be as attentive as possible to those who make an effort to connect with me.

I have to say I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE Twitter. I love following other aspiring actors and creative professionals. I love getting constant advice directly from casting directors. I love that even a few casting directors have followed me back. I love getting emails that tell me I have new followers. And I love sharing my acting updates to so many people at once and getting support back. (And I used to think the whole concept of Twitter was absolutely silly. Guess the joke's on me. Hahahaha.)

I know that being on Twitter doesn't make me a better actress. And I don't think using social media is necessary in order to be successful. In fact many a-list actors I would like to follow aren't even on twitter and if they are they don't update that often. But these days for someone who is trying getting there name out there it might put you a step ahead of those on your level. I'm not only speaking of the professional connections, possible opportunities, and the sharing of one's brand, which are invaluable, but I am also speaking of the way a person feels when sending a tweet. Here's my theory. What we love about posting on twitter or Facebook is that we are reaching a large audience all at once of people who are supporting you, right? Admit it: when you are updating that status don't you feel a wee bit like a celebrity? Okay, I get that I am far from being famous but sending a tweet kind a makes me feel like I am. And I truly believe in the concept of "fake it till you make it." That feeling is quite encouraging. Again, it's all about fully embodying the life of a professional known actor and not just hoping to become one.

Here are a couple of great articles that really encouraged me when I decided to start using twitter. If you have been fighting the urge to tweet but still aren't sure if it even matters take a look:
http://marciliroff.blogspot.com/2012/12/why-actors-need-to-get-on-twitter.html
http://unscripted.backstage.com/2011/07/why-actors-should-join-twitter.html

#3) I will work on my craft more between acting jobs and classes. I have been very blessed the past couple of years in that I have consistently been acting in projects, but I know I need to hone my skills more during the down time. For instance, I should work on my monologues even if I don't need one for an upcoming audition. I would like to start making videos of some that I have chosen so I can play them back for study and post them for feedback.

#4) I will be more conscience of my health and appearance. Meaning I will work out more, eat healthier, and dress like a star:)

And:

#5) Sometime in the next couple months I will hopefully be switching from a full time position at my day job to a part time position. Let's face it; the more acting I do, the less and less happy I am at my job. If I am going to take my career to the next level, I need to be fully available during the day to audition for the bigger paying acting jobs. "The greater the risk, the greater the reward" and it is time for me to take that next step. Yes, this decision makes me a little bit nervous, but I know in my heart it is the right thing and that God will provide.

So all that being said, hopefully by the end of the year I will be posting all the great new things I accomplished for my career:) I feel good about what I want to see happen this year and I think my goals are reasonable for where I am currently.

Thank you for reading and I wish all of you many blessings in your life and careers during 2013. Please feel free to post what plan on doing differently this year and what you would like to accomplish; I would love to know:)

Also, if you wish, please follow me by email, or here by clicking "join this site." It is much appreciated!!!

God Bless!!

Using Craigslist to Find Acting Work, A Do or Don't?

I've noticed there is a bit of controversy about actors using Craigslist to find auditions and gigs. For as long as I have been auditioning in NYC I have used Craigslist to look for acting work. It always surprises me when I hear from instructors that actors should NEVER use Craigslist and I am especially surprised when I hear from actors themselves that they will never use this site to look for opportunities. If you are union, I completely get it (although I have seen a few indie SAG projects listed). But I've heard this from non union actors. Many actors feel that there are absolutely no legit acting jobs posted on Craigslist. That the auditions listed are scams, or no budget projects where you will be treated horribly and get you nowhere.

Well, I am here to speak in favor of using Craigslist to find acting work. It IS true that in order to get to the good jobs you have to sift through the many, many, many ads for porn and the such, but there are a few legit jobs listed in the midst of the trash. I promise. If you find even one diamond in the rough even once in a while you never what kind of career boost it could lead to.

My case in point:

1)The summer before last I applied to an ad (on Craigslist) calling for actors for a indie horror film being shot in Long Island. Well, I sent my reel and got cast for a small speaking role without even having to audition. It was a great dramatic role. That film had a premiere at TriBeCa Film Center in SoHo and opened to sold out showings in a few theaters around the country. The film played in Europe, got some great reviews, and is now available to purchase on DVD through Best Buy, Amazon, and other sites. I actually received a starring credit in the opening of the film and on many of the posters which were posted in several public places. That film is "Purification" by Joe Ciminera. Working in that film led to me acting in Joe's next two films and I'm hoping to continue working in his future film endeavors. While working with Joe, I met James Terriaca who is writing/directing an epic indie zombie movie called "Apex Rising." Well Jim (James) decided to give me a chance with a part in his film and my character has become one of the more major characters in the film. I was definitely not expecting that. I have made several other valuable connections while working in these films.

2) A few months ago, I booked a role in an episode of the true crime docudrama "True Crime with Aphrodite Jones" through Craigslist. Yes, Craigslist. Apparently it was also listed on Actors Access (which i do use) but I saw it on Craigslist. I was cast as a detective in the upcoming season's finale episode. This was a speaking/ improv role (although I know on these shows you sometimes don't really hear the dialogue, depends on which one it is) and it was paid. The show plays on Discovery ID.

3) I did a paid promo for an apt finding website.

Those are only a few opportunities but they were great ones and I found them all through Craigslist. There have been others as well.

Of course, you eventually learn which ads to ignore. Here is my quick guide to the Craigslist land of false promises:

1) Any ad that states you are auditioning for a principle role in film starring A-list celebrities. These are listed by scam agencies. A legit agent or known casting director only has access to these breakdowns and they aren't gonna advertise on Craigslist. If you are ready for those types of opportunities then the best thing you can do is attend CD/agent showcases.

2)Any ads calling for actors for a National Commercial for a known product where you will get paid a lot of money. Same thing as above.

You have to use your own judgment for the following but I tend to stay away:

3) An ad that says something like "actors needed, paid job" and lists no further details. Someone who is professional will list a few things about the job. Maybe what types they are specifically looking for, the characters, location/days, intention for finished product, info about the director/ crew etc, or maybe even links to their past work. It doesn't have to list ALL those things but at least something to give you the feeling that this may be a good production for you to work in.

4) An ad that doesn't even look professional at all. Meaning words are misspelled and there is no thought placed into the writing. If a headline reads "Need actros for flim" I wouldn't even open the link for obvious reasons. A quality production team who wants quality actors will make it known through their ad that they take pride in their work.

5) This one really bothers me- when it is stated that although you won't receive any compensation (this not only means money, it can mean transportation costs, food, exposure, IMDB credit, copy of the film for reel) whatsoever for your work, and although the crew/director has no prior experience, the shoot will be "tons of fun!" Well, of course acting and filmmaking are fun, but when fun is the ONLY thing promised I just envision a couple of teens shooting stuff with an iPhone. I'm sure this isn't usually the case, but it makes me feel as if this person has no intention of using this production to further their filmmaking career and that they won't even be using quality equipment. That being said, you may want to apply to an ad like this if you have never acted a bit in your life, and maybe don't even have a headshot yet, and you are literally just getting started. THEN maybe this could be a good opportunity for you.

The bottom line is use discernment but don't count out Craigslist completely. I have even seen a couple of reputable teachers advertise specials and showcases on this sight. And only use it as a supplement to Actors Access, NYCastings, Mandy, showcases, etc.

So, should you use Craigslist to search for legit acting jobs? Yes. Should you use caution and listen to your instincts before applying to a notice? Definitely yes. Remember, as aspiring actors (or artists of any kind) we should be constantly looking for every single possible opportunity to perform, share our art, network, and further our careers.

This is my opinion. Please feel free to post your opinions, comments, thoughts, or personal experiences about finding acting or any artistic work through Craigslist. Thanks! And thanks for reading. I look forward to your thoughts.

Everything AND "The Kitchen Sink" (Updates!!!)

Well things have been pretty crazy for me this past month. Crazy in a good way. Crazy in a great way actually. And they seem to be getting crazier. So I'm gonna take a couple minutes to write it all out.

First, I'm very blessed to be working in three films right now- two features and a short:

1) Jim Terriaca's "Apex Rising." Which I've loved working on so far. It's coming along quite nicely. I've written about this film a lot on here.

2) Joe Ciminera's third film "The Library." This will also be my third time acting in one of Joe's films. I've mentioned before that it is such an honor to be asked by a creative and talented director to work in more than one of his/her films. (Also, it's so cool when you don't have to audition!!)

3) And "The Divorce." This is a short film written and directed by Eric Naylor which will be shot in about a week and a half. I'm so excited about this film!! The script/director/cast is great and I'm playing a lead role. It's a emotionally deep, challenging role which any actor appreciates.

On top of the new films, I had the premiere for Joe Ciminera's second film "Acedia." Which of course was exciting and the film turned out awesome!

I filmed another episode of Community College Comedians which is just pure fun and the cast and crew are always fantastic to work with.

I completed my commercial acting class with Angela Mickey which concluded with a very productive showcase with two top commercial agents. I didn't hear anything back but that was my first agent meeting ever so I was just happy I got through it and did okay. I feel pretty good about it. I got a lot of unexpected and constructive feedback and I'm sure the next time will be better.

AND in a few weeks I should receive my SAG-AFTRA eligibility letter!!! I will get this from a principle role I played in an episode of a new web-series called "The Kitchen Sink." This series is actually filmed as part of a one day class with The Actor's Corner NYC. When this opportunity arose I really wasn't sure if this was the right way to go about getting my SAG eligibility. But honestly, I feel ready for it and, well, why not? I don't plan on joining the union until I have to but it's nice to have it in my back pocket. And this series will also be another IMDB credit for me. Industry pros advise actors to make their own opportunities nowadays and that's ultimately how I viewed this class. And as another career investment.

So that's what's been going on. Between all that and working full time things have been hectic and it's no wonder why I've had a bad headache the last two days (it always catches up with you and I have a tendency to over stress about things). But I guess I prefer it that way. (The things being hectic part not the having a headache part.) I have to just enjoy it while I'm riding high and somehow make it through the next couple weeks. (And pray my acting schedule works out with my job!!!) Luckily, the headache finally seems to be subsiding and I have the next couple days off to prepare for the busy weeks ahead. My main focus will be developing my characters fully rather than looking for more auditions. I want to be the best in all these films I can be. And I continue to thank God for every single opportunity I get to follow my dream:)




****My thoughts and prayers are with everyone who has been deeply affected by Hurricane Sandy in any way these past few days***

True Crime and Great Food-I Love Acting!!

Today I am blogging from the set of an episode of "True Crime with Aphrodite Jones." The show airs on Discovery ID which is owned by NBC. If you've never seen or heard of it, it is one of those documentary shows which explores actual crimes that have been committed. Of course, the real people involved with the crime are interviewed but also there are reenactments of what happened. That's where I come in. I am playing "Detective Allison" in an episode that will be aired as the finale of the season coming up. I am having an awesome time. I've always wanted to be on one of these shows. I have a few good scenes which are all improvised, the shoot is three days long and did I mention I'm getting PAID. I also need to mention that on the first day I had car service to and from my apartment to the set in Connecticut!!! I felt like such a star:). (For the next shoot days the car will be taking a couple of us actors to and from the set from Manhattan which is still pretty awesome.) So, not only am I getting payed, I won't have to pay for any transport. And for lunch we have been ordering whatever we want from some of the best local restaurants. AND the director and crew have been wonderful! Ahhhh. This is the life. I love acting!!!!

**Thank you Lord for so much this opportunity. I feel so blessed. And sorry to Macy's and my manager for calling out today and being really, really late tomorrow:)**

You Gotta Do What You Gotta Do, And Love Every Second of It

The Sunday night before last was a great example of what I experience on a regular basis as an actor. First, let me give a quick background of where I am currently in my acting career.  As of right now, I am non-union.  For all you non actors or younger actors that don't know yet, that means that I am not a member of SAG-AFTRA (Screen Actor's Guild-American Federation of Television and Radio Artists (the two have merged)) or AEA (Actors Equity Association (which is for stage actors).  I hope to be there one day obviously but I believe it will happen at the right time, with the right role. Although I have always wanted to be an actress, I admit that I didn't really start pushing it until about a year and a half ago.  Sure, I would do a production here and there maybe audition if I was in the mood, but I wasn't PUSHING it.  Okay, I would do a little more than that but I still wasn't doing everything I  should have been doing.  It's all in timing and things just didn't click for me until the beginning of 2011.  I still have alot of experience to gain so joining the union is something I am not stressed over or worried about quite yet.  Notice I said quite.

Alright, on to the story.  The point of talking about my union status was to lead into the fact that all the films I currently do fall into the category of low budget or ultra low budget independent films. There is even a category called micro budget now. (Maybe there has always been one but I have not noticed this description in casting notices until recently).  This way when an actor submits for a role in one of these films we know that we probably won't be getting paid and we know why we won't be getting paid:).

And I LOVE doing these films. Why?  The experience, the connections,  the EXPOSURE (one film I was in  opened in 23 theaters around the country and will be on DVD in September 2012).  And of course just  being able to do what I love. These things are priceless. Especially so early in a career. To be quite honest, if a film is low budget I would much rather the producer put all his/ her money into the film's quality and promotion rather than paying me the small amount I would get anyways.

NOW the real story.  Promise.  Sunday of last week, I had the awesome opportunity to act in Jim Terriaca's "Apex Rising." This is a feature length zombie horror film being shot in Long Island, NY and let me tell you, I think it's gonna be great.  I am not normally into zombie films but when you are actually IN one it's cool to see the makeup (fake blood!!!) and the location we shot at was super creepy (more about the location in a bit).  From what I know, Jim is putting his heart, soul, and money completely into this film.  When a person does that, he is going to do everything he can to make sure the film is a success.  So of course I wanted to be in his film, no question.   In the scene we shot last week, my car breaks down and zombies start chasing me everywhere.  I got to run, scream, be the center of the scene (hey I'm an actor. I'd  be lying if I said I didn't enjoy that aspect of it. But be clear, I am NOT a diva) and it was so much fun.

The actual shoot itself was the easy part.  I mentioned that this film is being shot in Long Island.  I live in New Jersey.  The location for this scene was no where near a Long Island Railroad train station.  Since the film is low budget I needed my own transportation to the set.  I don't have a car. What is the solution?  (I didn't know anyone I could get a ride from and most of the cast and crew are from Long Island to begin with).  A car rental.  These days it is not cheap to rent a car.  The rental itself, plus gas, plus tolls, plus insurance equals a lot of money. A lot. For me anyways.  And it was only for about 7.5 hrs.  And let me tell you, God is good because if the scene ended up being filmed on its original date, which was a Saturday,  I would have payed double.  Thank you Lord for making it rain that night!! But even so, I still would have been happy to do it.

And now to the location.  Some of the shots were filmed inside Pilgrim State, this huge abandoned psychiatric ward.  I looked up some of the history behind this facility and it is chilling.  Doctors in this hospital were known for using shock therapy on patients and for conducting lobotomies without even having full knowledge of how to do them. Really, this has to be (or had, I heard it was going demolished the day after the shoot ) one of the creepiest places in the US. Or at least in NY. This place is something you would see in one of those ghost hunting shows.  We had to walk through an over grown field full of mosquitoes to get to the building.  Mind you we had minimal light and could only see a couple steps ahead. Once inside, we had to watch out for broken glass and random leftover mechanical parts.  I couldn't help but wonder if this were a big budget film, would the set have been more prepared for the actors and crew? Would there be big lights everywhere?  Would there be a path cut for us to the building?  Would the place have been thoroughly inspected before hand to ensure safety?  But I put everything out of my mind-the darkness, the mosquitoes biting me (West Nile Virus) the overgrown weeds brushing against my bare legs, the fear of ticks (Lyme Disease)- and chose to enjoy every second of it.  And I genuinely did.  When else would I go to a place like that in the middle of the night?  It was an adventure. Also, getting the shots was the most important thing at that moment.

The last part of the scene was shot inside my car.  My rental car.  There were going to be "blood" covered zombies inside my rental car.  Immediately I was nervous about the prospect of  fake blood and "gore" getting all over the seats.  I kept imagining the cleaning bill I would get from Avis.  But I decided to get over it, take it a step at a time and put the film first.  I figured it wouldn't be that bad.  Well, by the time the we were done shooting the inside of the car looked like that scene from "Pulp Fiction."  Okay it wasn't that bad but it did look like there was real blood all over.  Yeah, it's kinda funny.  Luckily, the audio guy was kinda enough to call his wife to ask her what would get out the stain.  He then helped me find an open 7/11 in the area where we bought Shout Out wipes and then we both scrubbed the inside of the car for maybe 45min.  I can't say it came out perfect but at least it was clean enough so that no one at Avis would notice and ask me stay at the garage while they called  the police.

It was all worth it.  I can't wait to go back for my next scene.

And that's it.  Oh yeah, also I got home at 2:00 AM then had to be at work at 8:45 the next day.  When you are 20yrs old this is no big deal. But I am 26 <wink> and can't function at my day job without 7hrs of sleep.

Thus is the life of a low budget indie film actress.  I've rented cars several times now to travel for films without being reimbursed for the costs.  I use my own clothes for wardrobe and often have to lug a heavy duffel bag around town full of different options.  I still have to go to my regular job.  I run the risk that the film will never get seen or that I will never even get the footage for my reel.  I also run the risk that I may never see a financial return on the sacrifices I make. Acting is a business and just like any business you have to take risks to be successful.   What choice do I have?  I am meant to be an actress.  It's the only career I want to ever pursue.  I have to do it.  I make all these sacrifices with the hopes that one day I will be able to make a living acting unless God suddenly leads me in another direction.  And I'm getting there.  The hard work is starting to pay off.  All of my upcoming auditions are for paid roles.  I feel blessed.  I hope to book at least one.  Even if it's the lowest paying one.

So until it happens I will keep doing what I have to do to make it happen.  (Aside from sacrificing my moral beliefs, compromising my marriage, and alienating my family.)  And once it does happen I will do what I have to do to KEEP  it happening.  I can only hope and pray that God continues to bless my efforts.  And by the way, I doubt that the mosquitoes would have known the difference between a low budget film and big budget one.

(Just a few zombies hanging around)

 Check out "Apex Rising"-http://www.facebook.com/apex.rising

And the Oscar goes too.....

So I have been nominated for Best Actress(!!!!!) in the 2012 Five Towns College Luminaries (Long Island, NY) for my work in "Diane," written and directed by Nick Mancuso. The other film I worked in with the same director, called "Suffocating in Suburbia," is up for FIVE awards including Best Director and Best Film. It may as well be the Oscars cause it feels incredible. Of course, if this were the Oscars I probably wouldn't have to skip out on the awards ceremony to go to an audition. "Sigh." One day, right?

 For me right now this is the coolest thing in the world. Not only is it an honor to be recognized in such a way for work that I was really proud of, but it is also a nice confirmation that I am doing what I am meant to be doing, that I am headed in the right direction. Not that I ever for more than a few minutes doubt that it is my calling to be an actress, but sometimes it is just nice to know. In a competitive industry such as show biz where one can become easily discouraged, we have to take each success whether great or small and run with it. For me, each success I achieve is like getting a shot of encouragement mixed with strength.

 I just want to say that this is my first blog entry. I don't claim to be a writer. I know that I am not smarter than anyone else or more successful than anyone else. This is really a journal for my own thoughts (like every blog I guess:)) and any one who wants to read or follow is welcome.  I thought it might be fun.

The links to "Diane" and "Suffocating in Suburbia" (and other productions I've done) can be found on my Facebook fanpage Tiffany Browne-Tavarez. So please take a look and "like" if you feel in your heart to do so:)

 ONE more thing; you know how actors always say that it is enough to just be nominated? Well, for me that is totally true. Anything more (i.e. winning) would just be icing on the cake:)