I'm writing this post in hopes of letting something go so I can move forward in my acting. I have a confession; I'm afraid of getting an agent or a manager. Yep. I'm a weirdo. It's so hard for me to admit that, because it is a step in any actor's career that eventually becomes necessary in order to reach the next level. Getting representation is something every actor strives for, works for, and yearns for. It is a milestone that can open doors. And yet, I am afraid. And that fear is holding me back. What am I so scared of? I'm scared of someone else being in control. I'm scared of having a new relationship that I have to build. I do care deeply for people but I am not the best at actually nurishing my relationships. It's very easy for me to wrapped up in my own little world and I've mentioned before that I am very much an introvert. And in a professional relationship there are many do's and don'ts. (Btw, I hesitate to use the word "introvert" because it's the trendy thing nowadays but I fit the description in almost every sense. Also I'm glad there is now awareness for those who can relate.)
I'm also afraid because since I put my faith in God above all, I have many restrictions in regards to things I can do even though I'm "acting." Like, how can I meet with someone whom I want to represent me, and then say, "I won't do this, I won't do that, bla bla ba..." My fears have kept me from attending industry workshops or really trying to get representation. But I'm tired of this fear holding me back. I have to take risks and step out on faith. Good thing that I am weak but He is strong.
